Leap, Little Frog

Digging into Paper: creating my own parenting handbook with care

2012-01-04T08:33:00.000-08:00

I'm writing my first blog of 2012 in bed this morning (decadent!), while my husband Matt plays "chef in slippers" with our 15-month old son. Nigel is banging tiny pots and pans, wearing a tiny apron and bright yellow slippers. What a sunny, hilarity-filled morning.

While the boys wax eccentric, it strikes me that Blogging about parenting is also an eccentric, absurd endeavor. Because even though it may be fun and helpful for me to share ideas about equal parenting, music for kids and wrinkles, at the end of the day, we all need to just sit down on the ground and play with blocks.

Online learning and info gathering is an amazing tool, right? For me, reading parenting blogs is armchair fieldwork. It offers fodder for on-the-spot problem solving (like, when my kid is hitting his head against the floor because he is so frustrated that I don't understand what he wants because, really, he's been CLEARLY yelling for "glaaaaaaack!" for 5 minutes now. Duh!)

So I move from the detective work of reading blogs to the business of actually going out into the world and developing a style and a repertoire of techniques that fits with Nigel and his unique personality and preferences. Going back to the online posts allows me to find meaning in the process of trying, failing (aka learning), and trying again. Reading and writing help me find the beauty in "earning" effective parenting methods.

Eric Larson mused about this process in his source notes of "The Devil in the White City," his outstanding book about the building of the Chicago World's Fair (with a grisly subplot about a serial killer, doing his dastardly deeds in Chicago at the same time):

"I do not employ researchers, nor did I conduct any primary research using the Internet. I need physical contact with my sources, and there's only one way to get it. To me every trip to a library or archive is like a small detective story. There are always little moments on such trips when the past flares to life, like a match in the darkness. On one visit to the Chicago Historical Society, I found the actual notes that Prendergast sent to Alfred Trude. I saw how deeply the pencil dug into the paper."

Unlike Larson, I am keen to use the Internet for helpful ideas. But I am inspired by his appreciation of the discovery process.

And I am still trying to discover what Nigel wants when he pleads for "Glaaaaaaaaaaack!!"

Balance is in the Eye of the Beholder

2011-11-14T09:19:00.000-08:00

My husband and I are musicians. And we’re parents. When we are onstage, we do our best to really be ON stage. But all our “backstage” experiences with our son (our little frog) deeply affect who we are as people, thus musicians. Recent insights:

Sometimes it feels like a brain and heart-full to take care of (and entertain!) my 14-month-old, while also staying connected to family and friends, and also rocking the admin and creative tasks that go along with my music career.

Then I talk to couples without kids who feel just as squeezed for time as I do. Hell, Matt and I were chronically "swamped with work" before Nigel came along. Meanwhile, parents of two and three kids manage to function... and they sometimes seem to have a better sense of humor about it all.

So my husband and I keep experimenting with ways to keep up. And like everybody, as soon as we feel mastery in one area, other systems get ignored (or fall apart).

When I stumbled on Organizing Junkie, of course I got excited. Oh, the promise of new systems! But it's funny. The more I read, the more I realized that, yes, I do best when I organize my To Do list the day before and I make sure it includes the most effective things I can possibly attend to during my precious and SHORT time in the office. And, yes, I love order in the house and the peace of mind that affords.

But there is opportunity and brightness for me when I also surrender to the idea that I'm not totally in charge of everything. In the past, planning and organizing has given me the defeating idea that I can control things. And I have confused the concept of getting my shit together with really INHABITING my life, my shit, and the inevitable chaos (or at least unexpected bumps) around me with a calm heart.

This nice lady's "journey toward organization and simplicity" is a lovely mission. Yes: I do support de-cluttering with my whole heart. And I am grateful for resources like Organizing Junkie for those of us trying to make order and sense out of life.

But meanwhile, I am renewing my journey toward more fun and acceptance. (But I'm going to clean the floor first...)

Productivity is a Bare Basement

2011-10-10T13:54:00.000-07:00

My husband and I are musicians. And we’re parents. When we are onstage, we do our best to really be ON stage. But all our “backstage” experiences with our son (our little frog) deeply affect who we are as people, thus musicians. Recent insights:

Lately I have felt overwhelmed: balancing administrative and creative work demands, kid duties, household maintenance, and staying up-to-date on correspondence/calls... It has all felt a bit much.

I hadn't been making time for exercise. And I had been falling into a reactive cycle, doing things that had to be done immediately, responding to miscellaneous requests which kept my focus jumping crazily from one topic to another.

So the LAST thing I had time to do was to clean the basement... but one day last week (shortly after a friend had sent along a Spanish talisman for "productivity") I just started collapsing empty boxes, and packing up bags of rarely worn clothes. Each day I would edit a closet, clear out a drawer.

Soon I had 10 bags of nice things to donate. I also had a collection of small furniture items I no longer needed, which I announced on Craig's List (pick up today only!). Later that day, all my retired stuff had new homes.

I have a new lease on life!!

Now, did this unlikely 3-inch tall talisman inspire this wave of productivity and accompanying sense of prosperity and gratitude for the things I do have? I would ask him. But I'm too engaged with enjoying my clean and clear space (in my home and my mind)...

Salt for Striped Pajamas

2011-09-01T12:06:00.000-07:00

My husband and I are musicians. And we’re parents. When we are onstage, we do our best to really be ON stage. But all our “backstage” experiences with our son (our little frog) deeply affect who we are as people, thus musicians. A recent insight:

Whoa. Nigel is nearly a year old. I am starting to clean and "file" his little bitty clothes. As I fold tiny favorite pajamas and swaddling blankets, I am happy for Nigel, delighted that he is growing and moving on. (Now he pulls himself up to the SECOND row of spices!)

I am also filled with a mild melancholy for the newborn I held in the crook of my arm, that little baby I will never sleep beside again. And I am inexplicably morose about the idea of not having another child... another chance to experience all that tiny infant sweetness... even though I think a second kid for our travelling family would be tough, maybe just too much.

So I'm holding these little things for a few moments, and then I am moving on.

In her book "Peace and Plenty," Sarah Ban Breathnach wrote, "The angels knew what they were talking about when they told Lot's wife not to look back at the home she was leaving or she'd turn into a pillar of salt. This wasn't a Divine rebuke. The salt was from her tears because she couldn't let go."

Scalp as Mirrored Ball

2011-08-23T08:35:00.000-07:00

Today I held Nigel as he drifted off to a nap. We were both bathed in gentle sunlight, so I could really see how much thicker and redder his hair has become. But he still has fine baby hair, so there is plenty of sweet scalp on view.

For a moment, I saw Nigel as a little old man, his hair thin again after a lifetime beyond what I will ever know (I fervently hope). Sitting quietly, will he enjoy countless joyous memories? Will he feel content? Will he be fulfilled?

Equal Parenting: Trial by Fire (or Water...)

2011-08-14T12:26:00.001-07:00

"Gimme a cup, I need a cup. Not a towel; I need a cup!"

So my husband hollered from the hotel room bathroom last night. I was on the phone ordering Thai food, which often leads to a bit of chat with the restaurant owner about people we might know in common. (This is one of the ways that Thai culture parallels the Irish experience.

While I talked about musicians in Suphanburi that I admire, Matt was bathing our son. And little son did it. For the first time, Nigel pooped in the tub.

Immediately, Matt lifted baby out of bathwater. Holding Nigel, he scooped and then drained/swished out the tub. He rinsed off our son. And then refilled with fresh water.

All this before I had a chance to request brown rice.

I am grateful for my competent partner. I am grateful that we have both celebrated and empowered each other to be in command of the contant new challenges of baby-rearing, even though neither of us has ever done this before.

And I am grateful that this p.i.t (poop in tub) incident happened on Matt's watch!

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Feeding Little Ears and Souls

2011-08-10T12:11:00.000-07:00

I did it. I went to a Library Music thing for kids. Yes, I am a professional musician. But I don't know what's best for a baby's musical development. So I went (actually I went twice) to a program that Meredith Pizzi offered at the Melrose Public Library.

One of the highlights for me:

When grooving to rhythmic music with your kid, tap on the bottom of his foot (or help him make contact with the ground with the entire bottom of his foot, not just tiptoes).

Another amazing aha moment in the session came when a SMART parent asked Meredith what type of recorded music would be good to play for her kid. Meredith seized this opportunity to empower parents, and to help make the world a better place. She told us to play music that has been recorded by a specific artist or symphony (i.e. not Baby Einstein Lullabies, or Famous Random Adagios but "Peter and the Wolf" performed by the London Philharmonic, or Bach Cello Suites performed by Pablo Cassals).

An aside: there is a lot of great music made for kids by specific, thoughtful, excellent artists. A few of our faves at the moment include Rani Arbo/Daisy Mayhem's "Ranky Tanky," or Gustafer Yellowgold, or Fox & Branch's fun folk music for kids.

Back to Meredith, I thought her answer was so wonderfully specific, teaching us all to fish for a lifetime. I'm sure she'd have good things to say to this nice mom who contacted me recently (since she knows I'm a musician and a mom):

"Hey, Shannon, do you know of good live kid music for kids in Boston this summer?"

My thoughts are hurray for all the kid music out there! Typing Boston Family & Kid Events into a search engine yields lots of awesome results. AND I think it's also great for families to go to "normal" shows. Why not take a kid to a concert of music you like (especially if it's folk, classical, jazz... not too loud)? There are matinees, which can be easier for scheduling. But kids can stay up sometimes. It's okay.

My son is 11 months old and has been to dozens of concerts. He loves to move to music. And when a song is over, he applauds with everybody else. Sometimes he also hollers for joy, and every once in a while he gets antsy and fussy; so I like to position myself at the end of a row, close-ish to the door. But I do not rush him out the second he opens his mouth. I stay relaxed and smile calmly at him--maybe I hold him close and whisper something supportive to him. He usually gets the idea that I still love him way more than the show that's going on... and then he relaxes back into the music.

I love Meredith's take on things--and I am grateful for all the wonderful Musikgarten, Music Together, Kindermusik classes out there for parents and babes. It's great to make music together. It's great to play recorded music for/with your kids.

And, really, it's great to go and hear live shows together. It takes energy, coordination, and bravery. And it is totally worth it. A baby at a concert makes the world a better place. (Usually.)

Digesting a Mouthful

2011-08-07T11:59:00.000-07:00

Boy, did I ever bite off more than I can chew.

I had been going along, managing this indie performing career with my husband. This meant we did all the booking, promotion, tour advancement, recording/CD distribution, web-site/online business, correspondence... all this in addition to keeping up and developing our performance chops. I also insisted (and still do), that we must offer some sort of free musical instruction--like a Tune of the Month Podcast--for our friends and fellow musicians out there who have been so supportive.

Sure, this was a lot of work to do--and to coordinate with a shred of grace. We mostly got the work done. We sometimes did it without being antagonistic and stressy at each other.

Then we had a baby, adding all the joys and responsibilities that come with a kid. We struggled with how to share baby tasks equally, toughest during those first epic breastfeeding months. And we did our best to keep up with the music admin workload at home. After a few months (we had planned a break and had also planned gigs after our unpaid "ma/paternity leave,"), we went back on the road with Nigel.

Side note to all the cloth diaper heroes out there: we DID week-long tours with cloth diapers until very recently. Cloth diapers are awesome and are easy at home (especially if you get a sprayer that attaches to your toilet and spray the dirties off in a bucket before adding to your pile of dirties). But cloth diapers are a lot tougher and bulkier on the road than disposables--in hindsight, I would have rocked disposables when travelling. It's less to carry and worry about. Duh.com...

While we continued our performance careers and nurtured our tiny son, I tried to stay in touch with friends and family. I tried to keep up with blog posts and social media (since at this point Facebook had become just another item on the To-Do list). I began working on a kid music project with my friend Ryan, to be unveiled in the future! I tried to stay active on the Board of BCMFest--Boston's local Celtic Music winter fest that is a FANTASTIC early January offering for stir-crazy, music-loving parents. I tried to look decent. My husband and I actually kept our house reasonably tidy.

Side note to all the people who told me to completely forget about housework when we have a baby: Yes, yes, I understand that "a baby doesn't care if the house is dirty." But I feel crazy and awful when my home smells horrible and there is dust, clutter, and chaos all around. Are there times I could have napped instead of cleaning the kitchen and sorting the mail? Yes! Did my cleaning efforts make me feel a bit fresher and "in control" of my life and time? Yes! If we had had a paid ma/paternity leave situation, I would have hired someone to help with housework. But we didn't, and we did our own cleaning. And it was ok. The garden, on the other hand, is another story.

There was so much on my plate. I can't even remember it all. And now here I am. Nigel is nearly 11 months old. The good news is I have really enjoyed spending time with him and moving through the world with him, even with the work/household stressers. The other good news is that my husband Matt and I have, I think, found a pretty neat parenting balance.

Still, I'm looking ahead to the next 11 months; and I do think I need to make a few adjustments. In general, I need to take it down a notch... though it IS more fun to say notch it up a scotch... with less and EASIER travel, fewer commitments, fewer things in the house to clean/maintain (which means setting aside some time to edit and streamline the house).

Of course, gradual and small changes are often enduring ones. This is tough for an impatient gal like me. But the journey of a thousand miles (or FEWER thousand-mile journeys, in my case) begin with a few small steps. Here I go:

Matt and I have started tending to our 2012 calendar, making some hard decisions about how to best chisel our touring schedule (leaner, meaner, yess!).
My girlfriend Clare helped me revamp my wardrobe: out with the old, the maternity, and the ugly. And in with a few good pieces that all go together. How very French of me!
I hired an acquaintance to weed my garden while I was on the road this summer! Worth every penny!!
I have time set aside (in late Summer) to do a Spring Clean of my home and office.

Who says late Summer isn't the perfect time to cleanse the palate? There are so many things that are fresh and in season. Oh, but wait. Tonight I'll stick with just a FEW things on my plate!

Equal Parenting Made Easy

2011-08-07T11:58:00.000-07:00

My husband and have spent 11 months months experimenting with how to raise and travel with a kid together. We read Equally Shared Parenting. We talked to other travelling/musical couples. We did countless web searches for articles that would LOOK promising but would usually end up being about how one parent works while the other parent does kid duties.

It's been a challenging road; and it's been amazing to meet a few stunning parents out there. Thanks to input, support, and trial and error, our Mom/Dad balance feels good for us at the moment. Here's what has worked/is working:

Dad taking on the lion's share of diapering. From day one, Mom breastfeeds, and Dad does as many diaper changes as he can, no matter what time of day or night. This was an important piece of our magically empowering and fair formula.
Dad and Mom BOTH waking for those early morning feedings/changings in the beginning. Sleep is important. But so is fairness and being completely united. In the very beginning, while Mom breastfeeds (ESPECIALLY AT 2am and 4am), Dad got up, too. Yes we were both stupid tired. But we were both stupid tired together. And we BOTH remember the weirdness, the sweetness, and the challenge of those early months. This was another very important piece of our magically empowering and fair formula.
Mom LETTING Dad do things his way. While Dad developed his own way of soothing, bathing, changing, playing, feeding, cleaning, this Mom trusted that all will be well for Baby with this caring, loving Dad. Period. For the most part, Mom LET Dad do his thing and tried to stay the HELL out of the way and/or offer support (without hovering)... this was very difficult. But without this approach, we both acknowledge that Dad would never feel empowered and would probably stop trying, and we would be one big Annoying Case Study.
Mom, Dad, and Mom and Dad take baby out to do errands, go to concerts, go to parties, from day one. Nothing instilled confidence like each of us going out to the post office or grocery store with Baby in carrier! What an achievement! So empowering, and so vital to the equal ownership, equal fluency project! The key was plenty of Solo Parent and Full Family Outings of all types. (But the wedding in New Hampshire--a 4-hour round trip--when Baby was just 2 weeks old and still jaundiced was above and beyond what we needed to do... THIS was too much and NOT a vital piece of our magically empowering and fair formula, although everything else seemed easy after that!)

Just one more rule, once the initial routines are in place:

When parents DO take turns (Mom works while Dad is on baby duty), the parent on duty is ALSO the homemaker. It made life clearer and easier for us when we spelled out that the Parent on Duty is also the guy who tries to do a load of laundry, clean the kitchen, and make a grocery list, while the parent who is working pledged to work as efficiently and effectively as s/he possibly can. We got this one from the Equally Shared Parenting book; and it really is a good rule of thumb.

I'd like to ask why no one else spelled these rules out to us. But the reality is, people probably did. And the other reality is that we are all different, so our RULES will differ from another family's RULES. Still, I think these are pretty fail proof, for the Parents who really want to share it all.

The Useful Side of Wrinkles

2011-07-23T08:51:00.000-07:00

I have spent much of my summer teaching at music camps/festivals with husband and baby boy. (This weekend's Harmony of Song and Dance camp promises to be a real sweet one!)

A quick tale from the road: at last week's Irish Arts Week, my friend and fellow staffer Vincent Crotty told me a bit about his painting class. He explained that as his students chose subjects, he would also paint these same subjects for instructional purposes. One teenage student, smitten with his 14-year old girlfriend, set out to paint her from a shot on his iPhone.

Of course it makes sense that it would be challenging to paint a portrait using an iPhone photo as source material. But the big surprise for me is that it is really tough to paint a girl, "without a wrinkle or a blemish." Vincent explained that painting my 10-month-old son, for example, would be one of the hardest things he could imagine.

Wrinkles, lines, and uneven features/shadows create definition! Experiences leave their marks and impressions on our faces, making us multi-dimensional characters. What a lovely thing to think of wrinkles as visual definition--it helps to explain why it is so eerie to see a woman in her 60s who has had surgery to erase these markers.

New skin makes sense on a baby. I am going to drink in the smooth sweetness of Nigel's little cheek, and give thanks for my husband's rugged one!

Missing Out on Meeting Up

2011-07-01T10:44:00.000-07:00

I'll admit it: I've never been a big one for organized group outings. Maybe I'm surprisingly shy. Maybe I am overly protective of my space. Maybe I am just cynical.

So when my trusted gal pal Ana suggested I check out some Mom groups, I hesitated.

But after a few people recommended I connect with a local Mom group, I registered with the online community. And I signed up to meet other Mamas this morning at Drumlin Farms, an awesome working farm baby Nigel and I have visited with Ana and her daughter.

Nigel and I arrived on time-ish. I waited for people in "the group." No luck. I walked around the farm, keeping one eye out for people in my group. It all felt a little depressing. All I really wanted to do was check out all the new baby animals with my son on this glorious summer day. I found a group eating an early lunch and stopped to chat. Were they MY people? No, they told me, they were with the 19-month-old Sudbury group.

Whatever. After a weird interlude, I gave up and just relaxed and enjoyed the farm with Nigel. We giggled at goats, talked to sheep, even found a friendly cat who was happy to let Nigel pull at her fur.

For today, the Mass Audubon Society gets a star rating. And group outings remain for me, for the moment, odd and unsavory territory...

Music for Kids

2011-06-28T13:59:00.000-07:00

My first post of many on this subject...

We inherited a "Baby Einstein" book: when you press buttons on the book, ugly midi-file (ice cream truck-style) excerpts of well-known classical pieces play.

It is handy to have these 16-bar themes accessible in one handy little book. But my child is only 9 months old. And it seems like such a waste to offer this as his first exposure to the symphonic world.

Kids are worth a few trips to the CD shelf (or iTunes library, or actual library). It is worth taking time to find and attend live concerts with kids.

Children's music concerts and classes are great.

But so are all-age ("adult") music concerts, especially outdoor music events and matinees, where you can bring snacks and/or sit near the door and duck out for little breaks.

Here's to a summer of great music for kids of all ages!

Scattering Seeds is Better than Going Hungry

2011-06-24T10:56:00.000-07:00

I was just writing to my friend and fellow blogger Kerry Dexter about my Summer of Transition, or at least about my designs for big changes.

Big, sweeping, dramatic changes to my travel schedule are what I crave; but as my friend Liz helped me realize, it might be more practical and still helpful to aim for gradual, gentle ones at first).

As I was writing to Kerry, a tiny bird worked away at our bird feeder. He would fill up with seeds and then fly down to the ground, offering his mouthful to another little bird.

We are all planting and sharing seeds... Here were a few thoughts I shared with Kerry:

"I am in full-on re-imagining mode... [My husband and duo partner] Matt I have worked so hard to build up our performing career. Our dream was to have a substantial schedule of gigs throughout the States, Canada, even Europe. We wanted to play our music for old and new friends, build our fan base, get our music out there. And, really, we've been able to do this. It didn't look or feel the way I thought it would at times, but it really has happened.

And now I'm beginning to consider new creative roads. With the introduction of baby Nigel, the reality of shrinking audiences, and the weariness I am feeling after years of travel, I am ready for a change.

Of course, for the foreseeable future we will need/want to maintain some travels (as a duo and with my band Long Time Courting, especially with the release of the new LTC debut CD).

But I'm already making some gradual, gentle changes. This is simultaneously exhilarating and exasperating. It's scary to start over. It's annoying to think of throwing any of that hard work "away" (though I know it all compounds, and starting something new doesn' t need to mean complete distance from the past...)"

This summer is scheduled so thickly with festivals and concerts that I don't have a lot of time to make new plans and put them into motion. But it never hurts to scatter a few seeds in the middle of the frenzy. You never know where they might land!

Striking a Balance with BIG brush strokes

2011-06-01T07:45:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, Matt and I performed/taught at Folk College, a wonderful weekend of world folk music with participants of all ages/levels. The experience was lovely, and everybody was so supportive of us doing the festival with our 8-month-old. Thank you, folk music community.

(Also, I overheard one person say I was a "Prog Mama." Is this a common term? I love it. What a compliment.)

The only part of the weekend that wasn't sublime was the morning we left Boston. Our plan had been to drive down. Ten hours in the car (make that 13 with stops for changing and feeding Nigel)... ugh. This was the frugal way to travel, and we had told ourselves it would be okay. But as we finished packing the car on Thursday morning I began to wilt. So much driving! On Memorial Day weekend. I don't think I can do it! My poor baby in the hot car!!!

With desperation, I urged Matt to check the USAir site. Even with a MORNING OF purchase, I told myself there would be an affordable flight to Matt's hometown of Pittsburgh (just a couple hours drive to Folk College from there). Little Nigel could visit Grandpa Charles for one night on the way there, we could borrow his car, and make the simple drive the next morning, arriving fresh, rested, and delighted with ourselves.

Ever frugal, and not big on changing plans, Matt not only humored me. He actually found and purchased two perfectly affordable flights (+ lap infant). We quickly re-packed. Our neighbor Christine shuttled us to the airport. And a few hours later we were strolling along the river with Grandpa Charles.

The weekend was a major success! And though plane tickets were more expensive than gas/tolls and basic road food (though not much more), we combined a fantastic family visit with work. And from this triumph, simple new goals emerge: more fun, adventure, and ease on the road.

Just as we have become more selective with our performance engagements (a gradual process as we become more established/experienced in our small field), so we will learn when to be frugal with our money and when to be frugal with our efforts. I aim to find places where these choices intersect!

Free Play

2011-05-19T16:21:00.000-07:00

Gardening with the threat of rain at any moment is like recording an album while 8 months pregnant. You just gotta act, and do your best in the moment.

Playing on a big blanket on the floor with a basket of unusual toys is like enjoying an unscheduled day in Boston--you can play with a bunch of different things for short periods of time, you can savor just one or two gems, or you can just fly in the air...

Peep into my Bathroom...

2011-05-18T10:43:00.000-07:00

When I was pregnant, I didn’t blog about it. I was superstitious, and until month 7 or so I told very few people that Matt and I were having a baby. And thanks to Mighty Aphrodite (an awesome maternity consignment boutique in Salem, MA) I had a few magical maternity shirts for performing that hid a multitude of bulge!

Since Nigel’s birth, I have begun to write about my process of trying to strike a balance between music and baby, and about the challenges and fun of raising a road-ready baby.

I read an article about the White Stripes in which Jack White complained that people were hungry for gossip and just wanted to know what the inside of Meg’s bathroom looks like (instead of just caring about their music, I guess).

But, really, it’s helpful to have an inside peek into how other people put their lives--and bathrooms--together. It’s fun to read about, and maybe sometimes it can inspire a new arrangement. This Spring and beyond, I am eager to share my process--my mistakes, mishaps, and successes of taking Nigel along with me and my creative career, at home and on the road.

Dancing to Sleep: a meditation on the go

2011-05-05T12:27:00.000-07:00

A few of my recent personal journal entries have revolved around the joys and challenges of bringing a baby INTO an existing creative career. So far I haven't found a how-to guide about how to take a kid on the road, or in the studio with you.

My friend Thalia keeps saying I should write a book about our first seven months of experimenting with how to raise a kid in a non-conventional setting (i.e. with parents who have non-conventional jobs/schedules, who travel, who are trying to share the parenting equally). A single blog post is a good first step...

So far, bringing our son along with us on creative endeavors has meant a lot of schlepping, quite a few laughs, and just a few melt-downs. It's been funny, sometimes trying, and almost always deeply rewarding. We are so lucky to be able to bring our child along with us--TO our shows and INTO our creative lives.

Raising a road-ready son together has meant sharing the privileges, responsibilities, and the ownership of what we want it all to mean/how we want it to go down. The deep challenge is to both continue to contribute ideas about how to do things, how to find some consistency whether at home and on the road, how to plan to avoid undue stress/uncertainty (sitters, food, and lodgings need to be lined up), while also figuring out how to be co-authors in each moment. There's not a lot of time to step back and reflect, since life is always, well, happening. So there is a constant call for us to bend and experiment as we go.

That's the inspiration behind our rendition of the traditional Irish lullaby "Lu La Lo." This is a little ballad which I adapted heavily, and which Matt and I arranged to reflect the peace and restfulness that can be summoned in the middle of movement, activity. We recorded "Lu La Lo" and shared it with our fans (it's still up for free at the "Maternity EP" Page of our website) during the first weeks Nigel was born.

Many lullabies are slow, rocking, sung at times of repose. But there are also times when you can/need to support and love your baby, and to offer him a sling in which to rest, while you move through sound-checks, or kitchen cleaning sessions, or concerts. So far, our little chicken enjoys sleeping in silence... and he is also able to find peace and sleep if bedtime comes along and people are still playing music.

Life is always happening, and we three are doing our best to dance with it.

Containing Growth

2011-03-26T12:34:00.001-07:00

Spring is here! These brighter and (vaguely) warmer days inspire in me fresh gardening resolves: I will try vegetables once again in my mostly shady garden... this time in containers.

With containers, I can move things around as the sun moves. This is a simple and creative approach to gardening in little sun.

The best medium for container gardening, I am learning, is a soil-free mix of peat, vermiculite, and organic compost. Rich earth from the garden just turns to rock in the pots.

Like plants, kids can thrive in appropriate settings. What a wild balance to strike: facilitate a groovy and supportive set-up for your little dude; do your best to nurture and maintain your awesome situation/attitude/community; and welcome the worms you meet along the way.

Happy Spring, gardeners and parents!

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MORE FUN Comes. on little frog feet.

2011-02-15T14:24:00.000-08:00

Why walk when you can leap? Frogs have a percussive, playful, and utterly unique way of moving through the world--into warm pools, out of harm's way.

As a new mom, I have many of the same household, career, and personal pursuits that I had pre-baby, plus a host of new parenting activities. I am looking to my little frog totem AND my new little human frog to inspire me to leap through the events of this new life, choosing a playful approach whenever I can imagine one.

To keep myself motivated to leap more, I plan to regularly test and share recipes for elevating the ordinary. My first recipe has begun this moment, as I write this post and Nigel sleeps beside me. With my feet comfortably on the floor and the light from the lamp beside me just right, I remember to breathe and savor this brief writing interlude before moving on to feeding/changing chores. I could rush through this blog, looking over to my little frog to see whether he is waking. Or I could just write until he wakes, nourishing myself so I can better nourish him.

BLOGGING while BABY NAPS:

set up baby in swing, bassinet, whatever encourages dozing
log into blog and just begin writing
after the third sentence, check that your feet are on the ground, your breathing is easy and deep, and you have the proper lighting (note: don't bother doing this before you get started, or you risk procrastinating by "making sure all conditions are perfect before you get going")
write until the baby wakes... or until you decide to curl up beside him to finish out the nap.

Leaping From Optimism

2011-02-01T11:09:00.000-08:00

When the well-meaning, kind-hearted neighbor says, "isn't this snow beautiful?!" it is tough for me not to knock him senseless with my shovel.

When snow is falling in the city (not in Vermont when you have nothing to do but snowshoe anyway...), and cars need to be unearthed, and sidewalks are too narrow to maneuver with garbage bins, and the stairs are icy no matter how much salt, then a stream of profanities and some hardcore complaining is your only man. And grousing WITH the neighbors is the really good stuff. It is cathartic, validating.

Yes, there is nothing we can do about the snow. Yes, it is all good and well to stoke our inner fires and our strong New England reserves of energy and optimism and face/deal with/delight in the wonders of winter.

But it's also good to bitch.

So, nice Ned Flanders neighbor: please do not dismiss my dismay. Agree with me that this newest snow is all too much. Tell me to hang in there. And tell me the Spring is absolutely beautiful when it comes to Boston.

Preparing for Presence

2011-01-11T12:04:00.000-08:00

Boston's Celtic Music Fest comes once a year. It's an amazing weekend of music, dance, and catching up with lots of different friends in one convenient space.

For this year's festival (just this past weekend), my goal was to appreciate every moment of performing and soaking up other people's sets and company. In the past I haven't done this as well as I would like--and I had a lot less in the way! This year, armed with a new baby and his feeding, changing, and attention needs, I was determined to drink it all in.

I did okay. I enjoyed myself and was more grateful than ever for all the friends who helped pull this year's festival together. From Steph coordinating performer hospitality (and Kieran, Tina, Jules, and Sue for bringing gorgeous food and drink) to Hanneke coordinating the silliest Celtic spoof ever, I marveled at each person's unique contributions to the weekend.

But I still found myself rushing around, and thinking of the next place I would have to be instead of being more still in each moment. And instead of staying until the very end, I ducked out before the last number of the Finale concert. As we loaded the family in the cold car and headed home, I wished I had been even more present and had been able to stick around until the very end.

And that's when Matt handed me the beautiful afghan quilt our friend Robin had made. And I just sat in the backseat beside baby in car seat, wrapping this white/blue beauty across my knees and across Baby N's lap. We are all doing our best, and it takes a lot of practice--and a lot of good, crafty, creative friends--to learn how to just enjoy the festival...

Emptying to Refill for the New Year

2010-12-29T13:57:00.000-08:00

With just two days left in 2010, I am suddenly filled with an extreme sense of awe about the past year. It's been a dense, wonderful, and challenging series of events!

Not that I need to catalog my happenings for the past twelve months (which did include touring on four continents, getting pregnant/having a child, getting used to an expanded family, and taking a break from and then going back to performing... whew).

No, it's more about acknowledging waves of gratitude and relief, and just a little bit of shock. This all just went down! And it has all been pretty good--tough at times, but good.

With an enormous exhale I feel I can let some of the details of the year obscure a bit into a wash of color. And I feel strong and clear again to breathe in the new year...

(...and with Baby N's help, to catch up on correspondence that has slipped a bit for the last couple of months!)

Zen and the Very First Leap

2010-12-26T14:05:00.001-08:00

That birth is so profoundly spectacular *and* so decidedly ordinary is even more beautiful than Bach...

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New Day, Same Old Frog (Sort of...)

2010-12-16T14:06:00.000-08:00

Like many people with a brand new baby, I have this new lease on life. The beauty and creativity of bringing a child into this world: carrying/growing him, birthing him, nourishing and attending to him, and then watching him GO!... it's all so spectacular.

And after a brief period of mourning about having to go back to work so soon, I decided to see my work of performing as a blessed opportunity. How great to get to share music and a vibrant community of music lovers with my brand new boy! I GET to make music while also enjoying my expanded new family.

So, here I am: overjoyed with my new family. Content and grateful about my career and looking forward to going back to work. I imagined having these transcendent first shows back, reaching out to our wonderful audiences in deep new ways.

What a shocker the first few shows have been! It turns out that I have allowed some of my same old distractions (and lots of new ones) to keep me from being fully prepared and present when I hit the stage. My playing/singing lacked polish. My stage banter wasn't as elegant and easy as I'd assumed it would be. Plus, I let my friend who'd been holding my son in a sling during the show hold him onstage for the Encore last night. While I got ready for bed, I kicked myself for not holding baby Nigel myself, out of the sling where the audience could see him...

Um, in the light of day I can see the simple Shannon-specific steps to take next time around:

Build in transition time/warm up time after handing son off to caregiver before going onstage.
Choose one person to perform for (imagined or actual) to jump start my focus. My thanks to my friend and fellow blogger Kerry Dexter for chatting about this one today!
When things don't go as hoped/expected, let 'em go right away.
And... embrace the decision to not use my baby to entertain our audience!! Unless Nigel is awake and really needs ME to hold him (and becomes part of the act by default), he is just a baby and does not need perform for anyone at any time.

Three steps forward, two steps back. That's progress, howsoever slow and annoying and disappointing. It's tough to be patient with myself; but with a kid in the mix, I have renewed incentive to become more forgiving and patient--with him and myself and others. Little by little the bird makes his nest. And little by little, this frog is building a calm, beautiful life for herself and all the little peepers in her life...

Rolling With It Beats Croaking About It

2010-12-16T13:31:00.000-08:00

Of course, self-employed musicians in the States don't get a single day of paid maternity leave. But even those employed by others often get only 3 months of paid maternity leave (sometimes much less). Yay on Canada for offering ONE YEAR of paid maternity (or paternity?) leave. What a way to honor human beings!

After having baby Nigel, I took as much time off as finances would allow, which ended up being about 5 weeks off from teaching. And 9 weeks off from performing, easing gently back into things. By 12 weeks (nearly two weeks ago) I was basically back to my former workload.

My pocketbook is grateful to be working. But I felt a bit anxious and worried that I might be short-changing my son by having to tuck away for sound checks, performances, rehearsals. And I have NOT enjoyed the periods of separation from him on the times that it has been more sensible to leave him with our caregiver, even though I love and trust her completely.

I lamented to my friend Alison that I wished both my husband and I could take more time off to get our bearings on being new parents, and to tend to our son completely. Also a self-employed musician (and mother of two), Alison instantly reassured me saying, "it's a lot of schlepping, a lot of hard work, and exhausting. But going back to work when a kid is still tiny is infinitely worth it, because it's so good for you."

OK, I'm going to roll with this. Yes, taking a baby with me to gigs or sometimes leaving him with a sitter means I am constantly carrying stuff. And, yes, it is challenging to tend to my family's needs pre-show and then get up on stage and give a good, centered performance (more on that in a future blog post).

But being able to make a living doing my creative work with my family in tow whenever I can is good for me. And what is good for me is good for my family. Enough grousing and croaking about having to hit the road already... it's time to enjoy forthcoming adventures as a trio!

Faster than Catching Flies...

2010-11-01T13:06:00.000-07:00

I've heard parents talk about how quickly kids grow up. "The time goes by in an instant," they say, encouraging me to savor every moment.

It's amazing how you can hear all about a phenomenon... and then suddenly be on the receiving end, living a universal experience first-hand.

It turns out that the kid-growing comment is NOT just about being present and savoring sweet moments as they are happening. The kid-growing comment is LITERAL. Kid growth spurts are weirdly instantaneous.

Check it out: two nights ago I put my nearly 7-week-old son to bed, and the next time he woke up I gazed on his sweet baby face and saw that his face had actually changed!! His little features were a little more defined, and his body was markedly bigger than when I'd put him to sleep:

(OK, that was a dramatic recreation... that's a photo from 2 weeks and then 5 weeks. But, really, that's kind of what it's like from week to week, or even day to day. Really.)

My friend Amanda recently noted the contradictory emotions parents go through: feeling eager for a baby to hold his own head up while simultaneously wistful for those earliest newborn sleep sighs; feeling ready to begin the weaning process while being proud of and nostalgic for rituals of breastfeeding; encouraging kids to explore and fly while wanting to shield and protect them from any possible falls...

Yeah, I get it. It goes by quickly. Like the frog who sees the fly and captures him JUST LIKE THAT, so a kid grows. All I can do is keep my eyes peeled and say, "Leap, little frog! And I will do my best to check out all your deft moves while still pursuing some of my own stuff."

There's a lot to balance when you've got creative/career passions *and* you don't want to miss a thing. Lots of food for thought as I go from diaper change to diaper change!

Community Surrounds You When You Leap

2010-10-16T12:05:00.000-07:00

My little baby boy is one month old. It has been a wild and wonderful few weeks... it's amazing that so many people have been through this epic process of birthing and tending to a newborn. It really is difficult to comprehend that something so incredibly beautiful and challenging is such a routine and common experience that so many people share.

It's also amazing to go through this journey in the era of public blogs, facebook, and easy email access. In general, I had not been in the habit of putting my personal business out there in the social media arena as much as some of my friends and colleagues. I didn't blog or publish posts about my pregnancy, nor did I announce Baby N's birth on facebook the moment it happened.

And yet dear friends, loving neighbors, thoughtful colleagues, sweet fans, and even distant acquaintances asked after me, and the baby, and sent cards and gifts right away!! Word travels quickly--and I became ignited to begin sharing and spreading my personal news with all these people who were reaching out to me and my newly expanded family.

Public displays of news and affection are a weird and also wonderful recent phenomenon. I never thought I'd be "that guy" who'd be posting blogs about her newborn's recent weight gain. But it suddenly feels right and good to go for it with the postings. I might not have opened up to this process if it hadn't been for the openness that all of our well wishers offered immediately after my baby's birth.

I commented that it was surreal to share this lovely moment in our family's life so publicly. My friend Nina commented "It never really occurred to me until now how FB changes the whole dynamic of this kind of occasion in one's life. Take comfort in knowing that many of us are taking great joy in your family joy."

Just like my new little frog who loves to be held and to hang out in my sling or my husband's baby carrier, I feel supported and tended to by my community of friends far and wide.

We need each other. Facebook is a part of our lives. Of course it makes sense to put our needs and our current modes of communication together.

new little frog

2010-10-03T09:58:00.001-07:00

I have a new little frog to love and to teach me how to listen (to myself and to the needs of people i love). He is tiny but demands constant attention and nourishment, so this post will be tiny... just enough to nourish my own needs to process this new creative project.

The real shocker in bringing a new kid into my family is this: in an instant there is this dramatic change and addition to my world. Suddenly stuff that seemed important takes a backseat to stuff I had not considered before. But with all this change, it is surprising to learn that it is still me-with all my strengths and tedious bullshit-who is maneuvering this new paradigm! Same old me with my same old gifts and limitations.

Welcome to humbling lesson #1 of 78,493. (And that's probably just the first year?) Thank you, tiny frog mentor.

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Frog Blog Lemonade

2010-09-09T20:32:00.001-07:00

My wrist is quite sore.
So my time to write is spare.
Haikus are concise.

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Puffing up my chest

2010-09-06T08:17:00.000-07:00

The froggy way of attracting a mate (i.e. feeling strong and attractive) involves puffing up like a peacock. By filling up his lungs and opening up into song, the frog pumps himself up and calls out to the world (and little girl frogs) around him.

I am on very temporary bed-rest, which is a lot less lovely than I thought it would be. I'm not doing a great job of actually staying in bed, but I'm trying. I'm trying to wiggle out of commitments that are long, stressful or stair-filled; but allow myself a little time on my feet for social engagements. Balance...

Still, I was feeling sorry for myself this morning. Suddenly, I conjured an image of my little frog totem puffed up and proud. I got out of bed, took a shower, put on some nice clothes and makeup (even earrings) and then went back to my bedroom post. What a difference a little peacock-ery makes!

Once again, the weird little frog has inspired a more elegant way around an unremarkable, mildly annoying event in my life. Like Yoda, E.T., and Ghandi, sometimes divine inspiration comes in the weirdest packages...

Tiny Body, Huge Voice

2010-08-31T13:47:00.001-07:00

Sometimes when I am trying to create more resonance with my singing I imagine I am a big, tall person.

The image of having all of this space around me allows me to deepen my sonic source in my mind... and this gets me breathing and more open so I can suspend vowels with deeper support.

This week I'm going to think small: My friend Jen just hipped me to the fact that one of the world's tiniest frogs has been discovered in Borneo. Microhyla nepenthicola is a mere 10-12 mm long (i.e. barely noticeable when sitting on a penny!), but apparently its croak is loud.

Researchers discovered them aurally first. They followed the frog's loud clicky and squeaky sounds and found them living among pitcher plants. Sometimes loud things come in tiny packages...

Doling Out Advice with Grace

2010-08-20T05:48:00.000-07:00

"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."

Gag. What an irritating aphorism, especially when one is deep in the throes of creative or social activity. What about "Only the good die young?"

But here I am. I did not listen to my body. And now I am dictating this blog post to my husband Matt (thanks, Matt!) because I did not heed the warnings of tender wrists, and thus need to limit my computer use, music time, and need to stop doing everything that uses my hands in order to heal.

Just the other day I made a proclamation that all the "helpful" people who have been telling me that I should "take it easy," can all go to hell. The next morning I woke up with my wrists on fire. There's got to be some middle ground here, people!

I'm putting a call out to the universe: I'm up for wise, gentle input. I'll do my best to listen. But if that wisdom could come in a more palatable package (in the form of a hip little frog with a round belly) I might be more likely to listen. . .

Staying Grounded: Balancing Busy-ness with Break Time

2010-07-22T07:14:00.000-07:00

I have a big break in work coming up--I'll be very busy with big creative projects, but I'll be off the road for a couple of months.

Looking forward to this time, I am scrambling to "finish" business... to solidify my post-sabbatical bookings, to finish and put promo measures in place for my new CD, to prepare my home for forthcoming family changes.

But it occurs to me that I am falling into my old perfectionist trap: it will all be blank (great? good? rewarding? blissful?) once I'm "done" with my to do list.

Duh. I'll never be "done" with the list. There will always be stuff to do. And besides, once I'm "done" then what?

By taking a quick moment to blog, I am taking a break from my work. I can take breaks throughout my busy time. And, of course, I can (and will) remain busy during my break time.

Remembering to enjoy and savor whatever it is I am choosing to do at any moment is the key. (And with that I just took a deep breath, planted my feet more comfortably on the floor, and looked out of the window for a glimpse of the amazing Asiatic lily that will be in peak bloom for just a few days more...).

Kickstarter: Reaching Out with Little Green Legs

2010-06-24T12:14:00.000-07:00

Frogs reach and leap for food, safety, and to connect with fellow frogs. When they are happy, and when they are in peril, they are forever propelling themselves forward in the world to do what they can to thrive.

I have been going through a particularly creative time. Sure, it's marvelous and such a privilege to embark on rewarding performing, recording, and personal endeavors all at once. But it also requires a terrific amount of time and energy to DO and organize the administrative and financial aspects that can surround these projects.

Sometimes I get a little overwhelmed by the extra organizing/planning/tasks. Sometimes I forget to breathe... and to reach out to friends and family in the midst of my busy-ness. But when I do remember to stay connected and to reach, I am always carried back to safety.

Some time ago my friend Kerry had recommended Kickstarter, a a cool, grassroots way to raise small money for creative projects. So last week, in the throes of panic about raising the last bit of funds for my new flute CD, I signed my Blue Dress CD project up.

Whether I end up successfully raising funds through Kickstarter or not, the act of reaching out and asking for help had the same safe, calming effect of reaching out to friends in times of peril. Instantly I received a few pledges of support, and I was surprised at what a psychological boost that offered me.

Constantly my little frog totem reminds me to get my head out of water and keep leaping. Kickstarter may be just another small splash, but that's really all life is. One little splash after another.

Beeswax and Music: Glue that Holds People Together

2010-04-20T07:25:00.000-07:00

Frogs are deeply social creatures. They glom on to one another and connect for comfort, recreation, and protection.

When audiences and musicians gather, especially in more intimate or informal venues, similarly deep social connections can be forged. As I travel from town to town to perform, I have countless opportunities to meet people with different perspectives and experiences. Increasingly, I savor this part of my job.

Sure, there are nights when I am tired from travelling, and my voice needs time off from extraneous talking (especially in a loud setting). But even on these nights, if I tune into the gang in the room while I'm performing and then after the show just hang out and listen, I am enriched.

So my raw materials are music, stories, and a room full of people. It's up to me--and everybody there--to glom on. It's what we all do with the basic ingredients that define the quality of our social experience together.

A beekeeper's raw materials are bees, honey, beeswax, crops, and other farmers in the locality. Modest or high yield, the way the beekeeper and his community (both human and apiary) respond to support one another can create dynamic social events.

Our new friends Stella and Sheldon have, in fact, embraced the sweet social network of Canadian bees, farmers, and customs. With a gorgeous line of hand-crafted honeys, candles, and salves, they orchestrate high quality "Sweet Pure Honey" products and parties of people who love them.

Had we not performed in Porcupine Plain, Saskatchewan, we may never have met Stella and Sheldon. It was music that brought us together, and their willingness to share the "buzz" about their own creative work that made for a sweet, cheery evening.

Just about any raw ingredient can bring people together. It's what we do with our music and beeswax that connects and sustains us.

Absorbing Support Subcutaneously

2010-04-14T09:43:00.000-07:00

A frog must take good care to always hop in a safe, supportive environment. He is small and susceptible to predators, and his skin is sensitive and absorbs both beneficial and harmful elements into his little system.

As touring musicians, my husband and I sometimes find it challenging to get good food, rest, and exercise to ward off sickness, fatigue, and discomfort while also staying current with the families, friends, and community that sustain us *and* enjoying (and sometimes weathering) all the people and situations we meet on the road.

Sometimes finding this balance is easier than others. Our stay in Big River, Saskatchewan was one of the more nourishing and rejuvinating tour stops we've had.

We rolled into town with a mud-caked car after following our GPS's "short-cut" suggestions. My back was throbbing for the third day in a row, since I didn't just "sleep it off," as I'd told myself I would when the aches first began. Getting out of the car, our jeans became streaked with orange mud from the side of the rental.

Our host and presenter Tilly welcomed us into her gorgeous home with a mud brush. After cleaning up we sank into welcoming arm chairs. Conversation was easy, her house was warm and clean, and taking in my surroundings I knew this was a safe, supportive place for a little frog like me.

Tilly and her husband Jack--and the town of Big River--proved to be exceptional hosts. Food and accommodations were wonderful. The venue (The Seventies Lounge!!) was fun and super funky, and filled with interesting and gracious audience members. After the show we chatted with people I'd choose to hang out with any day. Local restauranteur Bev (owner/cook at DG's) invited us to have lunch the next day on the house.

As if we hadn't already been treated to an exemplary welcome, Tilly and her magical friend Pat did Reiki and Quantum Touch on my back the next ay while Jack arranged for our car to be power washed!
So, a great gig, marvelous food, Reiki and a car wash offered us a big boost. But even if the concert hadn't gone half as well, or if T + J had been dreadful cooks without healing hands and power washers, we still would have been richly sustained by the friendship and kindness the Big River gang extended to us so freely.

I'm taking good care to absorb every last bit of it, and to pass it on down the road.

Finding Serenity in the Slums of Bangkok

2010-04-13T12:36:00.000-07:00

It strikes me as I watch Joy and Peter laughing while they wash and dry the dishes from dinner, that a heart lifted by gratitude is the same, no matter where you are.

Resilient, beautiful Joy, living up to her name in the Serenity Retreat's kitchen, displays an exuberance no less infectious than the team of Thai 8-year olds who beamed as they proudly demonstrated to me how swiftly they could take their AIDS meds... and then dove into a giggling heap of their fellows at the Mercy Centre for another giddy group photo.

Finding fun in routine--or even mildly unpleasant--tasks can be challenging under the best of circumstances. A sink full of dirty dishes and a cup full of bitter pills can be tougher to swallow than, say, a slice of apple pie. It takes a healthy dose of perspective, realism, and gratitude to recognize the power and beauty of the ordinary, and to know and appreciate the gift of good company, a full belly, and warm soapy water.

Many of the resident at the Leipzig Serenity Retreat near Wilkie, Saskatchewan (a private, grassroots haven for people recovering from addictions) have had bleak periods devoid of ordinary routines and comforts, and supportive households. Owners Ardyth, Dan, and Gary (pictured above) help people restore balance through non-denominational spiritual study and communal cooking and cleaning. They are inspired, and inspiring. In just four months they renovated a 40-year vacant convent into a warm, loving, well-appointed healing center.

Across the world in Bangkok's Khong Tuey neighborhood, Father Joseph Meier met many people struggling with addictions, poverty, homelessness, and disease. By comforting dying parents and then looking after their freshly orphaned kids (many of whom were born with the AIDS that killed their parents), Khun Paw Joseph offered support and love.

First Father Joe met and tended to people on the streets. Eventually a community and an extraordinary facility grew around his ordinary acts of grace and kindness. Visit the well-appointed Mercy Centre today and you'll meet a slew of staff and children, open to the magic of daily living. These kids--and the people who love and care for them--infused me with insta-joy and gratitude for cheap digital cameras. We had a blast taking pictures and singing songs together.

Life is filled with dirty dishes, disease, and hardship. And simultaneously, there is often soap, medicine, and supportive people eager to help. Wise is the person who takes soap to the dirty lasagna pan with a grateful heart.

Even Frogs Like Haiku

2010-02-16T13:53:00.000-08:00

I have much more news to post about my recent trip to Thailand...

... but for today, I wanted to share a few of the Haikus that audience members came up with at my September 2009 "Back to School" show. The "assignment" was to render, in haiku form (or Limerick), "What I Saw on My Way to Matt & Shannon Heaton's Back to School Show at Club Passim."

Cold plastic bus seat
Wonderful music awaits:
for now, stats textbook

Center of Learning
Endowment bigger than God
Students working hard

I saw a cyclist
swerving in front of my car:
a near collision

Down into the underground garage
Up the stairs to a cobbled alley
Across the Square to dinner

Circling for parking
Please pull out, big S.U.V.
Loading Zone only...

Traffic lights conspire against us
Bostonians don't drive like Hamish from Acharacle
It's time they invented hover-boards

As I walked down the lane to Passim,
I saw leaves more of orange than of green.
"Fall has come!" I did think
And I then stopped to drink
of the lovely soft breeze, crisp and clean.

Hilarious.

Cultural Exchange: sometimes a splash is all you need

2010-01-24T06:27:00.000-08:00

Matt and I had arranged to meet Natalia and Khun Pae in the morning, before heading off to our first school show of the day. Our hosts from the American Embassy in Bangkok, they would be escorting us to our various appearances at schools in Ubon Ratchatani and Surin (both in the Northeast or "Ihsarn" part of Thailand).

Not only were N+P extremely pleasant and kind to us. They were also gracious to everybody we met in our two days together--thank you, United States Gov't for investing in elegant ambassadors. With these hosts, gracious and talented local musicians at every turn, and my ability to speak Thai, we were able to forge connections with fellow musicians and students.

Highlights:
* Learning Tuey Khong (a traditional Ihsarn tune) from Aacharn Na at Uborn Rachaphat Univ... and then performing it together "in an Irish style, and then in an Ihsarn style." The arrangement was his concept.

* Hearing Aacharn O sing Lao Khruan with Thai traditional music students in Surin.

* Performing traditional Irish music from America at the Surin International Folklore Festival, accompanied by smoke machine and a Thai friend holding an enormous American flag.

The shows had been touted as cultural exchange events. Like the frog who is so involved with his journey from lily pad to lily pad, we were all so engaged in our activities at the time that it wasn't until we'd parted from N+P that I realized how much these two days had actually lived up to the promotional hyperbole. This last photo that Matt shot of my Irish flute on top of a Ranad Ek summed it all up for me. Who knows and who cares exactly how we all fit together... if we're busy being involved and interested in one another, we don't have time to worry about it.

The Best Laid Plans of Frogs and Girls

2010-01-24T05:53:00.000-08:00

When I set out on a journey I usually have a big plan.

For example, on my pilgrimages to Clare, I've sought great music sessions, hoping to learn specific tunes and forge connection with fellow musicians. When I'm on tour, I have a predetermined performance schedule and I name personal goals for my time on the road.

Needless to say, it was exciting, disconcerting, and liberating to set off for Thailand without specific goals.

In fact, my husband Matt and I did have definite appointments, including two marvelous days of school shows in Ihsarn with the American Embassy in Bangkok; a concert at Asia Pacific International University; and a visit to the kids at the Khong Tuey-located Mercy Centre; and time set aside with the family, friends, and teachers since my first year of college in Suphanburi.

But outside of scheduled activities, I didn't have a vision about how this trip would fit into my current career track and my life in Boston.

After a brief and incredibly moving visit back to the Kingdom, I still have no big ideas or designs on what I want to "do" with my Thai connection.

Being with dear friends who have known me since I was a teen, reacquainting myself with Thai traditional songs, eating (and this time around, preparing) good Thai food, kicking around my old stomping grounds, getting a chance to think in Thai again, and getting to share all of this with Matt who has only ever heard tales... this made for an unforgettable stay.

And unforgettable is certainly enough for today. No need to write a press release on how I'm forging connections with traditional music and culture of Thailand, Ireland, and America.... For now, my heart is so full of friends and new memories--and the sweetness of wanting to share some of this with friends in other parts of the world--that there's no more room for big plans.

Leap & Savor: One Lily Pad at a Time

2010-01-04T15:04:00.000-08:00

It’s 2010. My blog is one year old! One year of seeking balance and consistent good health in the midst of a busy career and home life.

During this first year, I did, in fact, make a mental shift: instead of always feeling overwhelmed, I sometimes appreciate the ongoing challenge of juggling my performing/travelling life with staying current with my neighbors, local comrades and household affairs.

It turns out, finding balance is a puzzle I can continue to work on—I don’t have to solve it all today, or even in one year.

So for this fresh New Year, I aim to keep doing what I can, and worry less about the stuff I can’t get to. It's true, when I hit the To Do list, or practice, or prepare for a tour, or arrive at a venue, I am often caught up in the business of what needs to be done. Of course, there’s often not quite enough time to do it all. So by the time the stage has been set, I'm striking it... so to speak.

It’s good to work and to prepare. It’s good to be conscientious and sensitive to fine details. But at the end of the day, it’s the doing that is the really good business of life.

Like the frog who prepares his jump—he’s learned to make these hops, and he calculates where he’s going next—I value preparation and consistent small steps toward bigger goals. But once the plans have been laid as best they can under the circumstances, it’s time to leap. And maybe to ENJOY the journey *and* the destination for a while, before moving on.

My next leap is across the ocean to Thailand, where I will reunite with dear friends from my childhood and where I will pick up my music studies with the inimitable Jiraporn Lekpong.

I don’t know where this Thai music tangent will lead. I don’t know how my Irish music will go over with the gang in Suphanburi. But this morning my friend Lloyd reassured me I’m going to do great. He reminded me that "the outcome doesn’t matter… it's taking the action, and doing it" that is the real heart of it.

Kra-dod! Leap, Khun Non!

Leaping Beyond Drama and Nonsense this Divali...

2009-10-18T20:54:00.000-07:00

Like the ever aware frog, I pledged to be more present throughout my next tour—both onstage and off.

I am midway through this tour, and I’d give myself about a B-/C+. I’m still getting worked up about little details (when to check in, how to stay current with emails, where to eat…). But I’m quicker at noticing unwelcome drama and nonsense and am able to reset fairly quickly.

By setting an intention to enjoy what’s going on around me I believe I have invited some truly exceptional experiences. Like our Indian Buffet in Indiana:

A few highlights:

Lawrence, KS: great coffee and thrift stores (Matt got a distortion pedal and I got two dresses). And the show was absolutely awesome, which was a very auspicious way to kick off this BEYOND DRAMA & NONSENSE tour.

Fairfield, IA: had to go straight to the gig (not ideal), but we rolled with it and had a GREAT SHOW!! Our friend Carol bought Matt three kinds of throat lozenges for his sore throat. And our new friend Dave agreed to set up a show in elephant-rich Kanchanaburi this January.

Chicago, IL: We arose SUPER early on this day off and drove to Chicago, excitement mounting all the way. Marathon fever was coursing through our veins as we hopped on the train to see our neighbor from back home cross the finish line. He qualified for Boston with a minute to spare, we went out for fish and chips, and then collapsed at Clare and Dan’s place with beer and Wes Anderson’s classic film “Rushmore.”

Ann Arbor, MI: This night kicked off a series of five collaborative shows for the Celtic Roots Revue (with stellar Lissa Schneckenburger, Bethany Waickman, and guests Nic Gareiss, Liz Carroll, San and Laz Slomovits, and others). A dose of traffic, an unexpected long commute to meet our co-bill pals, and a bevy of special guests to accommodate meant that I never took time to warm up and get centered. As soon as I recognized that I was getting in my own way, I was able to just let go and enjoy all the amazing musicians/dancers on the bill. High highs, low lows on this day.

Evanston, IL: Driving to Chicagoland with two more people changed things up. We shared snacks and ipod hits. Pre-show felt a bit like the previous night (giving other people time and taking care of special guests when what I really needed was time to tuck in). But my friend Clare perked me up by bringing tall white boots and a yellow paisley 60s-style dress in JUST MY SIZE!!! I felt like a super hero onstage.

Lansing, MI: Our pal Rachael invited us over for Indian food on our way to the show. I was coming down with a cold (worry and fret about other people takes its toll). I assumed Rach would order take out… but when we arrived she had four pots on the stove and was cutting and dicing. The house smelled like being taken care of, and she put me to sleep while everybody else chilled out. One long nap, some olive leaf extract, and a home-cooked Indian meal later, it wasn’t too tough to float into the venue and just enjoy the nice venue and night of music.

Bellville, OH: Not knowing what to expect at all from this venue/presenters, we arrived with a heart for any fate… what a deep treat that the home, food, company, and gig were truly wonderful! Our host Melanie shared a paw paw with me—I had only ever heard of this fruit (in a folk song, actually), but it turns out the fruit is native to Ohio. With a mango texture, and a floral coconut-meets-banana flavor, the paw paw was my takeaway for this night… that and the COMPLETE WORKS of FROG & TOAD that Matt found for me!!

Bloomington, IN: What kind of food could we expect to find on the way from Cleveland to Indiana? With signs on sticks galore, we thought the best we could do would be a Subway attached to a gas station. So when I saw a sign for “Truck Wash and Indian Buffet” in Spiceland, IN (no joke), I took it for a desert mirage. Fortunately there was a follow up sign, and fortunately we followed it. Happy Divali! Happy saag paneer! With bellies full of dal, we hit Bloomington. The show was HILARIOUS—a great cap off to our co-bill shows with Lissa. I served paw paw in the middle of the show, and I learned that Indiana also lays claim to the paw paw. They call it the Indiana Banana.

St. Louis: Back to the duo show format, today’s highlights included Honeycrisp apples from a farm stand, reuniting with our music pals Brian and Eileen and Shannon’s Aunt MaryAnne, and seeing Matt’s family friends from childhood. It feels good and easy to be a duo again.

I've got five more shows to go on. Glad to have checked in, since I have another week to put my new perspective in play.

Presence is a clean slate and a lighter travel bag

2009-10-07T14:48:00.000-07:00

When frogs sing together, I don't imagine they spend much energy judging the performance. They probably just notice how things feel-- how it feels to sing in the warm night air and how it feels to sing together.

Certainly we all process and relate to sounds differently. And certainly I'm not the only one who turns a critical ear to my own sound output. On a good day, I'm in the business of paying attention to what I'm doing, noticing what's working and what isn't.

I wrote about practicing music with awareness in my recent article The Inner Game of Irish music, suggesting that when we listen attentively to ourselves, and when we trust ourselves to hear and feel what is working and what needs to be adjusted, we enjoy playing... and we offer ourselves the opportunity to make lasting, meaningful improvement.

Being aware of the process has led me to rethink my stage shows, too--not just the playing, but all the bits in between when I get to connect to my listeners. I've been REALLY trying to savor this time. Every night is different, and there's always something different to comment on. That's such a great part of my job!

So now I'm trying to take the awareness game to the next level. Before our last show and onstage, I pledged to try and extend this practice of presence and appreciation to my day to day travels: sometimes I can get overwhelmed with details on the road and I miss some of the cool stuff along the way. (Or I transform what could be a chill day into a more stressful one...)

I think the first step is to lay back and just prepare to leave (and not WORRY about preparing to leave). If I can do prep work for a tour with presence and joy, I can certainly do the tour... and all the traveling, checking into lodgings, finding meals, checking email on the road... with a certain amount of ease and humor.

Last week I cleared out my studio. This symbolized a clearing of old nonsense and baggage. Why not clear out my tired old I'm-so-overwhelmed story... and just pack what I need and prepare to enjoy the trip? And then once I'm on the road, why not just be on the road and do what I need to do in each moment? What's the big deal?

The frog gets the idea of just singing, without worrying about how it's all going and how it all fits together. Teach me to leap, little frog, one step at a time.

In Pursuit of a Cleaner Work Pad

2009-10-01T12:22:00.000-07:00

I did it. I cleared out the mess. I now have one current To Do list of music to write, learn, or practice. The piles of paper have been thinned. Thanks to my friend Christopher for inspiring me with these photos of nine famous people work spaces. Note Al Gore's Frog on Wall...

Here are my modest BEFORE and AFTER shots:

Good Company and a Place to Hide

2009-09-25T06:01:00.000-07:00

Frogs are super social. In a terrarium of say, five frogs, two or three of them will be pasted on top of one another. Frogs like company.

In addition to enjoying companionship, frogs also love and need furniture. They need places to climb, hop, and crawl. And just like us, they need their privacy.

After a week of trying to juggle a weird and overwhelming variety of office and home tasks, it is refreshing to reconnect with the basics: I, too, need a bit of good company *and* a clean, safe place to retreat and hide out. Take care of the basics and the rest will get done (or it won't, but I won't be as worried about it).

So today I am going to the Inman Oasis with some friends (social needs & water!). And them I'm going to tuck into my studio. I'll clear out some of the old papers and organize my current material... make things clean and enticing, and make a little corner where I can hide out and write or read.

Like my frog brothers, I will always face a mountain of daily tasks in order to survive and thrive. And I can best accomplish the work of living when I am balancing my deep social connections with nourishing solo retreats.

The Sinister Side of Stupidity

2009-08-27T12:41:00.000-07:00

"Get a car!"

Um, huh? Why did this 30-something baseball cap-wearing dude, seated in the passenger seat of his friend's SUV, feel the need to yell this imperative at me on my bicycle as he whizzed by?

1) I was slowing down progress in some way (as I rode on the far right of the road), so he thought to urge me to rock a faster mode of transport so this sort of delay wouldn't happen in the future?

2) He felt affection for me and thought I'd look good behind the wheel of a snazzy car--just trying to help in that What Not To Wear sort of way?

3) He liked the look of me and thought to reach out... and that's the first thing that popped into his head to say. You never know what might spark a fulfilling relationship?

4) He thought himself superior to me, sitting in that passenger seat... and he wanted to proclaim to the world that the ONLY way to roll is to "Get a Car!"??

5) He noticed that he was going faster than I was. He thought I looked like the sporting type and might be fun to drag race with, but he thought I'd need a car in order to race?

If you're reading this blog, you're probably interested in frogs, wellness, wholeness, or me (thanks for your good taste and judgment!)... so you probably would find this scene as distasteful and humorous as I did.

But it turns out there are actually people MY AGE who have not caught on to the idea that cars are not so great. Sure, they are convenient. Sure, I use MY car way more often than my bike. But I'm certainly not going to honk at the low carbon footprint guy with groceries in his panniers who is strengthening his heart, lungs, legs and appetite... even if he WERE slowing my crappy car progress.

Duuuuude: what about the frogs? They are good barometers for the health of our own habitats. Frogs are wicked sensitive. Many species are dying out, in large part because habitats are getting gunked up with air and water contaminants.

WE are sensitive, too. And we are getting asthma, allergies, cancer, in part because of the gunk we're putting in our air, water, food: Save the frogs, save ourselves. (Forget the cheerleader.)

Next time some dude yells something at me from a car window, I'm going to slap him upside the head with my long frog tongue.

Building A New Tower: Frogs and Free Associations

2009-08-20T08:52:00.000-07:00

Like the frog living in an abandoned pool rich with algae, I created a home and routine in environs that seemed to suit me. But the owners of my proverbial pool recently picked up some chlorine, and suddenly my current systems no longer fit in this summer of my discontent.

When I drew a card from my friend Molly's tarot deck yesterday, I chose the Tower. She explained the significance of this powerful card thoroughly and elegantly. My takeaway: I am not structuring my daily life in a way that is harmonious with my deepest beliefs and values. My sense of self/purpose is a little shaky at the moment. To live a rich, fertile life, I need to dissolve my current systems and thoughts of who I am and rebuild with a firm base and an open heart.

My wish when placing the card back in the deck was to imagine a new routine and mindset for myself WITHOUT resorting to analytical methods. I didn't want to make lists of pros/cons, stuff I value, longterm goals.

Like the sensitive frog I really took this into my skin. And then I forgot all about it. By the time I was dropping my dear friends (Molly and other childhood girlfriend Jen) at the airport, my sights were set on the music lessons I had that evening.

But in the 70 minutes I had before teaching, I was drawn to the stack of dot matrix printer paper I had brought home with me from my husband's childhood home. Ripping 2+3+2+3 sheets off at a time, I made a large square of paper on the floor and sat in the middle.

I began thinking of various thoughts, beliefs, aspects of my life I treasure, routines or habits I wish to change. I would reflect on each tangible idea for just a few seconds and then scribble it on the paper, wherever my gut told me to write it.

After getting all of these ideas, frustrations, questions out I felt calm. I taught my lessons, made a cup of tea, and then went back to look at my SFA (Square of Free Associations). Though my handwriting was uneven and there were blocks of text going in many different directions, there was an eerily clear order to it all.

Where my head had faced, I had written about the things that I value most

To my left, I had written about matters concerning work.

To my right, I had chronicled all the things that are NOT working

At my feet were three blank sheets of paper.

This was not what I set out to do. It happened naturally, magically, strangely. But in just over an hour I had magically drawn a new blueprint for living, from my feet clockwise around the circle. Reflecting, tweaking and implementing it is a much more involved process, but the basics seem sound:

1) Build an honest, uncluttered base. From still, rooted silence comes clarity, intuition, strength.

2) Move and breathe through the work I need to do to make a living. Momentum is everything.

3) Set my sights on and open my heart for the people/activities that I cherish.

4) Polish or purge the broken systems that are distracting me from the good stuff.

Create a home... Adapt... Move.... Create a new home.
If it's good enough for our frog brothers, it's good enough for me.

When the Frog Jumps it is Day

2009-06-26T10:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the first clear day in weeks. It was muggy but blessedly rain-free... sunny enough for my big green sunglasses, suitable for even the most fragile of post-cataract surgery patients.

The Mystic River was thick with lily pads, a frog's paradise. It looked like I'd be able to walk on top of this green carpet.

I threw a small stone out to the middle of the lily mass and was surprised to see it sink immediately!

OK, so only the smallest frogs could leap from pad to pad; while maybe the rest aim for a leaf, and surf it as it submerges and swishes around before regaining balance. Once again, even the smallest classic frog pastime is filled with play and sport...

As I sit inside on another overcast afternoon, typing this review of the lily pads, my lavender candle and Thai pop playlist elevate my small administrative tasks to frog status.

To see a lifetime in a Hosta

2009-06-12T07:59:00.001-07:00

Hostas. They are indestructible, quick growing, and thrive in both shade and sun. The ubiquitous varieties are unremarkable. Except for late summer spikes of tender flowers, they are just, well, hostas. The more stunning varieties offer interest and texture—not classic elegance or prettiness, but a certain beauty and architectural depth.

Hostas are workhorses.

Meanwhile, frog songs are often dry, warty, throaty. But because frogs are so fragile and increasingly affected by natural and man-made toxins, a chorus of croakers sounds so sweet.

When it comes to beauty, context is everything…

Yesterday when I gazed at my “best” hosta (Blue Angel), I saw enormous rain droplets still sitting on its wide, waxy leaves. In that hosta I saw a team of friends bringing over bits of their gardens to help me start mine. I saw years of planning, experimenting, and planting, as I learned how to combine foliage for a cohesive effect with maximum interest. I remembered dividing my own perennials to take to friends with new gardens…

…and then all the people who have been a part of my life—some near, some far, some dead, some estranged—all sat on that hosta leaf. On that cool green surface we all had meals, went to the beach, planned weddings and funerals. On one of the broader inside stems, I did yoga, went grocery shopping, nursed colds.

When the rain began to fall again, I got up and went back inside. I hoped the hosta would offer shelter from the rain to a little bird and collect enough water for the bird to drink. And I hope to hear the frogs singing their pretty songs near the pond once the rain slows down.

Save the Frogs, Save Ourselves

2009-04-17T12:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my husband Matt and I picked up Museum of Science passes we had reserved from the local library (so entry fees were $5 per person vs. $19 each!), and headed down to see “Frogs: A Chorus of Colors.”

Sure, it was a thrill to see the royal blue Poison Dart Frogs and the freakishly large African Bullfrog (on whom Jaba the Hut must have been fashioned). A beautiful surprise for me was the Long-Nosed Horn Frog that employs camo for self protection: it looks like a dry brown leaf, complete with “veins” and all. Stunning, really.

But the sour theme of the exhibit was the increasing endangerment of many species of frogs.

Frogs have been around for about 250 million years, adapting and surviving the tenure of dinosaurs, the controlled use of fire, the invention of the wheel, countless wars. Along the way, new species of frogs have arisen and older species have died off , but since the 1990s, frogs have been undergoing mass extinction (with dying rates far outweighing the emergence of new species). Causes include Global Warming, habitat constriction, and chytridiomycosis (a disease caused by a newly discovered nasty pathogenic fungus).

Crazy. Frogs were resourceful enough to make it through the Bubonic Plague and the Industrial Revolution. They found ways to filter junk and avoid sucking up too much poisonous air and water through their sensitive skins. But all of the stresses are getting to be too much for this high maintenance, high performance species.

Like my frog brothers, I am sensitive to toxic stresses around me. Strong unnatural smells make me tense and irritable. The roar of my crappy neighbor’s dirt bike sends me into a rage. The flurry of new emails each day drowns me. And like the adaptable frog, I strive to develop and hone coping mechanisms (cleaning only with baking soda/vinegar/lavender in my own space; laughing off the dirt bike screams; remembering to breathe and keep my admin tasks in perspective while I am in the office).

But I can only react so much before my creative vitality and well-being gets squished.

We humans are managing the same or similar environmental stresses that frogs are (we have cancers and new flu strains instead of chytridiomycosis). Plus we’ve got lifestyle and technological expectations to further stretch our time, resources, and resilient spirits.

What we do to the frogs we do to ourselves. The crowded, polluted, high-speed world environment we all inhabit is our own bed we are making. If the frogs are becoming less able to devise filters and coping mechanisms, we may be as well.

So this week I am meditating less on the overwhelming tasks I “need to do” and more on the stuff I truly need to leap like a little frog: clean water, safe home base, sufficient food, clean air and time to breathe it, and the company of others who have powerful legs.

Every End Has a Beginning

2009-04-10T09:20:00.000-07:00

Spring is greening up New England. My hydrangeas, sedum, and clematis already boast cascades of tiny heart-shaped leaves. The campanula is spreading. Some afternoons, it’s warm enough to open windows, and soon we'll be eating dinner outside.

Filled with hope, I am motivated to finish or abandon stale projects. Spring is no time for dead weight.

Each Spring offers me a burst of optimism. This Spring is a notable one, probably because winter felt painfully cold, bleak, and dark. November 4th ended in a ray of warmth; but, of course, after election night, the old garde would still be in office and on the airwaves until nearly Spring.

So here it is—Spring, with all its fresh renewal....

...and its melancholy reminder that everything changes: Winter dissolves into Spring, and burns into glorious, ripe Summer. Autumn comes in with crisp drama, and then takes a sharp turn. Out of silent frozen Winter comes hopeful Spring again.

• There would be no Spring renewal without a bleak mid Winter.

• There would no renewed gratitude without hardship.

• Gorgeous, transcendent songs about death and loss resonate with everyone, because we all sustain losses--and because we all also have moments of birth and abundance, too.

• Giddy Romantic love would be less dramatic without the foil of heartbreak.

Seasons, flower blooms, projects, and lives all come to a close. Paying close attention to beginnings—and renewal points—affords a reason to sing (like the peepers) and suggests tools for metamorphasis. Like frogs, we humans are adaptable. We can figure things out and evolve as we go along, if we pay special attention to patterns.

This year I marked the beginning of a new cycle (a shift from admin work to creative projects)—and I commemorated the end of life for loved ones who have died in the Spring—by planting a Serviceberry tree. Already, the birds are frolicking in the limbs, still waiting to leaf out. The birds are paying attention, and they are singing.

Peepers and Museum of Science Passes

2009-04-03T10:24:00.001-07:00

Two quick ones for April here.

My new friend Bob recently sent this lovely note:
"I know Spring is here... when the Peepers start singing. I read somewhere that none of the Peeper clan will make a sound until the eldest starts to sing. And sing they do, for love, for joy, for being able to be heard in the world one more season."

Bob talked about these little singers as harbingers of the new season, helping us change "from the sting of winter to the balm of summer."

Thank you for this lovely message, Bob. Like you, I am yearning for these small and enchanting voices to kick off the healing Spring!

In other happy news, the Boston's Museum of Science has an amazing frog exhibit. If the $25 ticket price seems steep, the Boston Public Library offers $5 passes! You have to sign them out early, and the Boston passes go well before the regional branches.

Happy Spring!

Adapting to the Blank Canvas of Winter

2009-03-03T19:10:00.000-08:00

Snow again. Heavy with the monotony of more to shovel, weary with the dread of many more cold days ahead, this morning I pined for Spring to begin TODAY…

…Until I read Jim Gurney's post from two days ago:

“I thrive on the austerity of winter as a foundation for my creative life. Winter scrapes the palette clean before springtime unscrews the caps from the tubes of colors and squeezes out the reds and yellows and greens.”

I like this idea of annual artistic evolution. Especially after a new snow, the starkness of winter can offer an austere cleansing sequence, clearing the splash of melodies and words from the past year to make space for new ideas, new ways of recycling favorite riffs, new ways of hearing/viewing/interpreting current material.

Metamorphasis is about evolving, figuring things out as the scene around you is changing… and adapting to the changes around you. Frogs have evolved to live on all continents except Antarctica. Some live on 15,000 foot mountain slopes. Some live in the desert. The Australian water-holding frog can wait up to seven years for rain by burrowing underground and surrounding itself in a cocoon of previously shed skin!

By committing to a locale, the desert frog’s adaptation to his environment is a central creative process of his life. By committing to my locale (of Boston), I too can choose to harness the harshness and the snow of winter for creative means.

So:
Welcome, white snow.
Welcome, uniform blanket.
Welcome, blank canvas over which new melodies can roll.

FROG SONGS: Natural, Purposeful, Fun

2009-02-21T07:29:00.000-08:00

Frogs sing because they have a passionate reason to do so. They join voices in a chorus of croaks, chirps, peeps, trills to attract mates; to mark their territory; to signal a change in weather; or because they are afraid or hurt.

Frogs have a deep need to sing. Their songs are purposeful, thus natural and without judgment or analysis.

I was thinking about this idea of singing and playing music from such a natural and engaged place during a recent interview with the Boston Flute Association. I was asked to name my best musical assets. I said, “My rhythm is rock solid. And I can be fearless and engaging onstage.”

Indeed, on blessed occasions, I do tap into my carefree inner 8-year old onstage, tempered with a connectedness with what’s going on around me. I feel present. I feel people around me reaching out, and I naturally connect back to them.

But these moments are rare in performance, and even rarer in rehearsals: when I am rehearsing material, I am my most analytical, striving to hear the big picture in a song in order to figure out a shape for an arrangement.

When I did a quick Google search for “Fearless Performing,” I found a short video from Tishambia Caine who teaches “Cardio Cabaret” and… “Pole Fitness” (pole dancing moves!) at Studio Soiree in Utah.

She said, “Do not let anybody else dictate what you can and cannot do,” and more importantly, she stressed “don't let yourself dictate to yourself what you can’t do or think you can’t do… Do Not Fear. Take the fear out. Just go for it. Enjoy the performance. Have fun.”

So, this week it's all about Pole Dancing and Frog Songs… I am tucking into the Attitude and the Purpose part of performing. As Caine says, what you bring outside from the inside transforms your performance into something fabulous.

Nutrient-Rich Old Skin has got to go...

2009-01-28T18:53:00.000-08:00

My friend Kerry Dexter just wrote, “Winter is a time of gathering in, for contemplation, for rest, for renewal.” (Check out Kerry's blog ).

Staying creatively and physically renewed is a trick when the snow is freezing into gray lumps and crowding out pedestrian passages… It’s hard to gather in and contemplate when you have a head cold that is hanging on and interfering with your singing.

Frogs have a built in renewal system. They literally shed their skin. It’s not pretty, but it’s a way to stay fresh. Once a week or so, they’ll start with a series of twists, bends and stretches to loosen the old skin. Toads will bloat themselves up for the maximum stretch.

After a series of stretches, frogs will pull old skin over their heads (some rip it off with their mouths and eat it). Once it’s off, they are clean and neat again.

OK – so this is a fun and gross call to stretch!!! And to toss old junk to make room for calm, fresh, restful days ahead.

I got out the yoga mat and did some freestyle Shannon Yoga. Then I weeded through some old paperwork, making one streamlined To Do list. And I stopped for a second to savor the fresh promise of a new President and sane Administration.

I still haven’t eaten my own skin—that’s the next thing on the To Do list…

Be hush and white with snow, little frog

2009-01-09T09:52:00.000-08:00

“Isn’t it fun to plan these sorts of things?” my friend Christine asked, while I was in the middle of frantically trying to sew up details for a current project. Though it was something I wanted to do, I was rushing, pushing myself to Get. It. Done.

Christine’s comment gave me pause. Had I not just set out last week to enjoy what I am doing, to stay present? Why not enjoy each project, each email, each decision? If I am really focused on what I’m doing, I can bring my own sass and verve to each task at hand, and enjoy the work.

If I’m annoyed by any one project, maybe I’m just being annoying… and not really IN what I am doing.

Frogs are forced to be present and in tune with their surroundings in order to survive. Take the North American wood frog. He is able to be freeze-tolerant by drifting into serious hibernation as the weather drops. He, and nearly 2/3 of the water in his little body, crystallizes into ice. He is aware of the seasonal changes and he weathers the cold by chilling WAY OUT.

It’s January, and I’m at the tail end of a massive cold—and a massive recording project that took a lot of my reserves. Evening is still falling early in wintry New England, the bare tree branches are white with cold, BCMFest is gently being set up in Harvard Square (finale musicians are rehearing, stages are being built...).

Stepping back to realize my hushed surroundings, for one moment I decide that this is a time to … finish this last sentence. And to start enjoying this wonderful winter festival weekend.

When spring finally arrives, and when the ice in my frog friend’s body melts, and his heartbeat and breathing return to normal, then he and I can both kick it up a notch and jump back into action.

New Year, New Totem

2009-01-02T15:33:00.000-08:00

This year I’m looking to the frog to help me maintain balance between creative work, personal pursuits, and business and household tasks. Like everyone else, I’ve got lots to do. At the start of this New Year I am filled with desire to find ways to enjoy what I am doing, to better prioritize, and to stay present and healthy.

For starters, I have huge frog-green sunglasses. If I put them on before sitting down to tackle a pile of stuff, they make me giggle and help me tap into my inner sass which, in turn, chills me out.

Lesson Number One: The frog-green glasses really work for me.

Digging deeper to learn from my newly-assigned frog totem, I note that frogs are high maintenance, high performance. In a suitable environment, frogs flourish. They breathe through their skin, so warm, humid, safe places with fresh, clean water are desirable. They are sensitive to climate changes, destruction of forest and marsh habitats, pollution, and a recently-discovered skin fungus which attacks the skin through which they breathe. Frogs really need to have their guard up to stay well.

Lesson Number Two: Ounce of prevention, pound of cure. By keeping my space clean and clear (which includes staying on top of errands, bills, cleaning), drinking lots of water, and avoiding viruses by scrubbing my hands and NOT SHARING POPCORN with sick people, I will thrive.

Needless to say, frogs are highly musical and always re-invent themselves (metamorphasis and new skin anyone?). Many species can roll with a variety of different climates, even though they are cold blooded. They are adaptable.

Lesson Number Three: Trying new things (and failing at some of them) makes me adaptable and able to work in a variety of musical settings. Setting time aside to experiment and play, and probably being patient (since skin takes time to shed) is the way of the frog.

Frogs are crazy looking little creatures with huge eyes and alien-looking faces.

Lesson Number Four: I am grateful I do not look like a frog. I am grateful I have a home, a loving husband and family, terrific friends and neighbors, a stellar music community, strong aural skills, sharp communication skills. Gratitude is key.

Frogs have amazing reflexes, and catch flies by taking careful aim in advance (and then close their eyes while striking).

Lesson Number Five: Let the image of a karate kid frog catching flies (and Master Yoda training with Luke Skywalker, for that matter) motivate me to do yoga more often…. since apparently just feeling clean, clear, and chilled out aren’t motivation enough to exercise regularly...

Frogs have been hopping for 190 million years. Though the current planetary scene is increasingly inhospitable to the unique needs of frogs, I’m going to try to buck my own personal trends to be more frog friendly… to myself.