My husband and I are musicians. And we’re parents. When we are onstage, we do our best to really be ON stage. But all our “backstage” experiences with our son (our little frog) deeply affect who we are as people, thus musicians. Recent insights:
My friend Norah just wrote, "I'd love to hear about more women who are having amazing artistic careers while raising children."
Me, too! I wish there were a manual...
If I had to write a very short rule book today, here's what I'd say:
Rule #1:
Work while your child is engaged (or sleeping). Just bang it out. Do creative work first, then cram in your dumb emails. Ger 'er done. It's all nice and well to "sleep while your child sleeps." But this advice doesn't hold when you have music to learn/write.
Rule #2:
Sing, compose, arrange, collaborate, do a show, or practice--even if you "don't feel like it." You always feel better when you make music. Or, if you don't, at least you made some music. Just 15 minutes gets the cobwebs out.
Rule #3:
Remember that most things that are deeply worthwhile aren't easy or convenient. Playing gigs while schlepping kids along (and/or making child care arrangements back at home) can be exhausting, challenging. But it is also wildly beautiful and hilarious to be able to share your music and travel with your family. Tough? Who cares!
Rule #4:
Healthful snacks and travel toys/activities (books, compact travel art supplies, small bag with cars/road) are great for backstage and in hotels. But animal crackers and an ipod loaded with kid videos can make the travel day less stressful for everybody. And so lightweight for your carry on.
Rule #5:
Even though I only "need" a sitter during my time onstage, I am learning to arrange for childcare to begin at soundcheck through 30 minutes after the show. This builds in downtime before the performance, and allows visiting with people/presenter after the show. I've gone onstage with my bra a bit disheveled (from a pre-show nursing) too many times. Not recommended.
Bonus Rule:
There are no rules. Do whatever works for you--and then let me know about it!
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Gentlest Toddler Movies
My husband and I are musicians. And we’re parents. When we are onstage, we do our best to really be ON stage. But all our “backstage” experiences with our son (our little frog) deeply affect who we are as people, thus musicians. Recent insights:
I often share big thoughts on trying to nurture/balance both my creative career and family life. A few nitty gritty lists of tools/rules coming up in the next few weeks. (Hoping to add to these lists with your input.)
Today: videos for toddlers. Even if you don't "do" TV at home, an ipod loaded with imaginative movies is a great device for your travel toolkit. Put an old ipod in a toddler-proof case like this, and your kid can hold it by himself.
It's okay. Even creative, energetic parents and kids need a break from reading books and making up games. Here are a few un-loud, un-dumb, un-crazy-making faves on our playlist:
Got any faves? Do tell! And please pass the Trader Joe's Kettle Corn...
I often share big thoughts on trying to nurture/balance both my creative career and family life. A few nitty gritty lists of tools/rules coming up in the next few weeks. (Hoping to add to these lists with your input.)
Today: videos for toddlers. Even if you don't "do" TV at home, an ipod loaded with imaginative movies is a great device for your travel toolkit. Put an old ipod in a toddler-proof case like this, and your kid can hold it by himself.
- Jungle Book (great music; and Kha the snake always elicits giggles)
- Shaun the Sheep (silly; and with no dialog, this works with the sound off)
- Thomas the Tank Engine short stories, with great narration by either Ringo Starr, George Carlin, or fabulous Alec Baldwin. (hard to believe this series ever seemed odd to us--so familiar and comforting now)
- Cat in the Hat and other Dr Seuss animated stories. The old ones are gentlest. Though Martin Short's narration is also hilarious.
- I, Crocodile and other stories.
Got any faves? Do tell! And please pass the Trader Joe's Kettle Corn...
Friday, April 12, 2013
The Littlest Indie Performer Negotiates
My husband and I are musicians. And we’re parents. When we are onstage, we do our best to really be ON stage. But all our “backstage” experiences with our son (our little frog) deeply affect who we are as people, thus musicians. Recent insights:
In my last post, I described a gig that my son has decided he should play (at our local Mexican restaurant, set up "in the middle").
Nigel is 2 and 1/2. He has never played a concert before. But after seeing mom and dad perform countless times, and after being around while we are negotiating terms for appearances, it seems that our son already has clear notions about what he might need in order to give a good show.
Prepare:
Nigel has made a succinct playlist, to include "Thomas." (This is an "instrumental" version of the theme to Thomas the tank engine.) Notice the holistic manner in which our young performer prepares--literary backstory/inspiration, as well as musical review:
(THE FULL SET, subject to change)
Thomas [instrumental theme to Thomas the tank engine]
Wheels on the Bus
Sunshine [You are my]
Happy Birthday [unspecified recipient]
O Susannah
Thomas [reprise]
Rehearse:
In addition to solo study, Nigel has been trying things out with a more seasoned performer. This is the fast-track way to deep improvement.
Identify extra-musical needs:
Finally, Nigel has a clear list of items he'd like the restaurant to provide:
In my last post, I described a gig that my son has decided he should play (at our local Mexican restaurant, set up "in the middle").
Nigel is 2 and 1/2. He has never played a concert before. But after seeing mom and dad perform countless times, and after being around while we are negotiating terms for appearances, it seems that our son already has clear notions about what he might need in order to give a good show.
Prepare:Nigel has made a succinct playlist, to include "Thomas." (This is an "instrumental" version of the theme to Thomas the tank engine.) Notice the holistic manner in which our young performer prepares--literary backstory/inspiration, as well as musical review:
(THE FULL SET, subject to change)
Thomas [instrumental theme to Thomas the tank engine]
Wheels on the Bus
Sunshine [You are my]
Happy Birthday [unspecified recipient]
O Susannah
Thomas [reprise]
Rehearse:
In addition to solo study, Nigel has been trying things out with a more seasoned performer. This is the fast-track way to deep improvement.
Identify extra-musical needs:
Finally, Nigel has a clear list of items he'd like the restaurant to provide:
- Guitar pick (red, and also purple)
- Cars and trucks and trains to play with before the show
- Water and dried cranberries/raisins
- Pens for drawing on things [unspecified things...]
Monday, April 8, 2013
The Littlest Indie Performer
My husband and I are musicians. And we’re parents. When we are onstage, we do our best to really be ON stage. But all our “backstage” experiences with our son (our little frog) deeply affect who we are as people, thus musicians. Recent insights:
Many of my non-musician friends don't really get what I do--they have romantic notions of me sitting around singing and writing music all day. Meanwhile, I don't get what a lot of my pals do... so, no bother there. But it's interesting that my 2-1/2 year old already gets the full dimension of being an independent professional performer.
(really, much of my job involves booking and promoting concerts. i answer lots of emails, talk to nice reporters and dee jays and presenters, have the privilege of being in touch with friends and supporters about our music/travels. i load in and out of venues, hotels, airports. i sound check and set up cds. i do rehearse, practice, composer, perform, and teach... but these creative/active pursuits don't comprise the majority of my time.)
At the end of the day, my admin and music work is all about connecting with people and communicating something. And about putting things together, making something (a song, an event) where there wasn't one before. I'm an entrepreneur. And today my son demonstrated his entrepreneurial bent:
N: "Mom, let's go to Tenoch [great torta-making Mexican restaurant in Medford, MA]. I would like beans and rice and horchata. Also, I would like to do a gig there sometime."
me: "Hmm. What will you play at your gig?"
N: "I will play the song called 'Thomas' [theme to Thomas the Tank Engine] on my guitar [plastic ukulele]."
(though he has a number of instruments, it is interesting that he chooses guitar. probably because dad--and three of the important adults in his life, Keith Murphy, Flynn Cohen, and Liz Simmons also happen to be incredible guitar players)
(we head to the restaurant)
me: "Hey, here's the owner of the restaurant! Would you like to ask him something?"
N: "I would like beans and rice and also horchata. Also, I would like to play a concert on my guitar. Here. At this place."
owner: "I see! And where will you play?"
N: "I will set up in the middle. Right here."
(N walks to middle of restaurant, stands against wall, plays air guitar.)
owner: "I see you have it all worked out. This sound like a good plan."
N: "Good."
(they shake hands)
Notice that our young indie performer already understands the many steps of setting up an event: he approaches the right guy. He walks in offering something. (A promise to order food.) He cuts to the chase and makes his pitch succinctly. And he quickly offers a vision for the set-up, showing that he's a self-starter/reliable, thus easy to work with. He keeps it light and doesn't launch into negotiations on the very first query. The handshake implies a warmth, mutual respect, and tone of professionalism, inviting later follow-up over the phone or email.
Of course, I am always proud of my young son. And I'll be happy if he plays music, or never plays music for his living. But there's a sweetness and support I feel in knowing that he has been watching me. That he really gets and appreciates what I do. This makes the challenge of juggling family and creative career all worthwhile.
Many of my non-musician friends don't really get what I do--they have romantic notions of me sitting around singing and writing music all day. Meanwhile, I don't get what a lot of my pals do... so, no bother there. But it's interesting that my 2-1/2 year old already gets the full dimension of being an independent professional performer.
(really, much of my job involves booking and promoting concerts. i answer lots of emails, talk to nice reporters and dee jays and presenters, have the privilege of being in touch with friends and supporters about our music/travels. i load in and out of venues, hotels, airports. i sound check and set up cds. i do rehearse, practice, composer, perform, and teach... but these creative/active pursuits don't comprise the majority of my time.)
At the end of the day, my admin and music work is all about connecting with people and communicating something. And about putting things together, making something (a song, an event) where there wasn't one before. I'm an entrepreneur. And today my son demonstrated his entrepreneurial bent:
N: "Mom, let's go to Tenoch [great torta-making Mexican restaurant in Medford, MA]. I would like beans and rice and horchata. Also, I would like to do a gig there sometime."
me: "Hmm. What will you play at your gig?"
N: "I will play the song called 'Thomas' [theme to Thomas the Tank Engine] on my guitar [plastic ukulele]."
(though he has a number of instruments, it is interesting that he chooses guitar. probably because dad--and three of the important adults in his life, Keith Murphy, Flynn Cohen, and Liz Simmons also happen to be incredible guitar players)
(we head to the restaurant)
me: "Hey, here's the owner of the restaurant! Would you like to ask him something?"
N: "I would like beans and rice and also horchata. Also, I would like to play a concert on my guitar. Here. At this place."
owner: "I see! And where will you play?"
N: "I will set up in the middle. Right here."
(N walks to middle of restaurant, stands against wall, plays air guitar.)
owner: "I see you have it all worked out. This sound like a good plan."
N: "Good."
(they shake hands)
Notice that our young indie performer already understands the many steps of setting up an event: he approaches the right guy. He walks in offering something. (A promise to order food.) He cuts to the chase and makes his pitch succinctly. And he quickly offers a vision for the set-up, showing that he's a self-starter/reliable, thus easy to work with. He keeps it light and doesn't launch into negotiations on the very first query. The handshake implies a warmth, mutual respect, and tone of professionalism, inviting later follow-up over the phone or email.
Of course, I am always proud of my young son. And I'll be happy if he plays music, or never plays music for his living. But there's a sweetness and support I feel in knowing that he has been watching me. That he really gets and appreciates what I do. This makes the challenge of juggling family and creative career all worthwhile.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Road Food for Muffin-Loving Toddlers
My husband and I are musicians. And we’re parents. When we are onstage, we do our best to really be ON stage. But all our “backstage” experiences with our son (our little frog) deeply affect who we are as people, thus musicians. Recent insights:
It is challenging to stay even-tempered when moving through time zones. When my family is on the road, it is a big priority for all three of us to take in plenty of water, food (and fresh air).
We each travel with a water bottle. And we aim to leave with plenty of food in our car or plane bag, including our marvelous Morning Glory muffins (recipe below).
I am not going to pretend that muffins are the cornerstone of a balanced diet. But I recently created this wildly successful zucchini-, apple-, carrot-filled recipe. Although my son is not a big zucchini fan, imagine my delight when he sampled freshly grated vegetables as we prepared these muffins. A catalyst for veggie snacking!
Starting off a journey with a reusable container filled with, say, these muffins is an auspicious move. Add instant oatmeal packs for luck. Refill your container along the way with grocery store carrot sticks, hummus, apples, oranges, whole grain crackers, goat cheese (goat cheese on cracker topped with dried cranberries!)
Whether you're heading out on a trip, or hanging out at home, these muffins are the stuff! Thanks to my friend Val for encouraging veggie-filled muffins as a step toward getting more produce on our table.
Morning Glory Muffins
Grease and flour muffin tins (makes 12-18 muffins)
Pour Bowl #4 (egg mixture) into BIG Bowl #3 (carrots, etc) and stir. Drain water from Bowl #1 and add raisins to Bowl #2 (sugar/flour)... and then add that to BIG Bowl #3. Stir until just mixed.
Fill muffin tins with batter ALMOST to the very top. We put a few TBS of water in each tin we did not fill with batter, so the empty tins would not burn.
Cook 25 minutes (or until inserted toothpick comes out clean). Cool in pan 8 minutes and then turn out onto cooling rack.
It is challenging to stay even-tempered when moving through time zones. When my family is on the road, it is a big priority for all three of us to take in plenty of water, food (and fresh air).
We each travel with a water bottle. And we aim to leave with plenty of food in our car or plane bag, including our marvelous Morning Glory muffins (recipe below).
I am not going to pretend that muffins are the cornerstone of a balanced diet. But I recently created this wildly successful zucchini-, apple-, carrot-filled recipe. Although my son is not a big zucchini fan, imagine my delight when he sampled freshly grated vegetables as we prepared these muffins. A catalyst for veggie snacking!
Whether you're heading out on a trip, or hanging out at home, these muffins are the stuff! Thanks to my friend Val for encouraging veggie-filled muffins as a step toward getting more produce on our table.
Morning Glory Muffins
- SMALL Bowl #1) Cover 1/2 cup raisins with hot water. Set aside to plump.
- MEDIUM Bowl #2) Mix 3/4 cup brown sugar (or white sugar + 1 TBS molasses) with 3/4 cup oats. Then sift in 1-1/2 cups whole wheat flour, 2 tsp baking soda, 2 tsp cinnamon, 1/2 tsp ginger, 1/2 tsp salt. Stir just until mixed.
- BIG Bowl #3) Prepare 2 cups grated carrots+1 grated zucchini+1/2 peeled and chopped apple. Then stir in 1/2 cup walnuts.
- MEDIUM Bowl #4) Beat 3 eggs (probably fine with just egg whites) and stir in a big dollop of plain whole milk yogurt (maybe 1/3 cup?), 2/3 cup canola oil (could probably use less), 2 tsp vanilla.
Grease and flour muffin tins (makes 12-18 muffins)
Pour Bowl #4 (egg mixture) into BIG Bowl #3 (carrots, etc) and stir. Drain water from Bowl #1 and add raisins to Bowl #2 (sugar/flour)... and then add that to BIG Bowl #3. Stir until just mixed.
Fill muffin tins with batter ALMOST to the very top. We put a few TBS of water in each tin we did not fill with batter, so the empty tins would not burn.
Cook 25 minutes (or until inserted toothpick comes out clean). Cool in pan 8 minutes and then turn out onto cooling rack.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Red-Eye for Rest?
My husband and I are musicians. And we’re parents. When we are onstage, we do our best to really be ON stage. But all our “backstage” experiences with our son (our little frog) deeply affect who we are as people, thus musicians. Recent insights:
April (Spring!) is just around the corner, marking the end of this year's first quarter. I have gone an entire "term" without a blog post. Field work, folks--I've been out there in the field, trying out new approaches with toddler-in-tow travel.
A brief rhapsody on red-eye flights for this installment:
I've never been a fan of all-night air travel. It's tough to sleep soundly on an airplane, especially when travelling with a kid. But on a recent flight from Long Beach, California to Boston, my 2 1/2 year old:
Consider it, gang. Go red-eye for the kids, and in the end, enjoy a smoother re-entry for the entire family? Do let me know of your experiences!
April (Spring!) is just around the corner, marking the end of this year's first quarter. I have gone an entire "term" without a blog post. Field work, folks--I've been out there in the field, trying out new approaches with toddler-in-tow travel.
A brief rhapsody on red-eye flights for this installment:
I've never been a fan of all-night air travel. It's tough to sleep soundly on an airplane, especially when travelling with a kid. But on a recent flight from Long Beach, California to Boston, my 2 1/2 year old:
- fell asleep while boarding
- stayed asleep for the entire flight (while my husband and I took turns making sure our son didn't roll off our laps)
- slept through deplaning and baggage retrieval
- slept through the cab ride
- slept for 2 more hours in his bed back in Boston
Consider it, gang. Go red-eye for the kids, and in the end, enjoy a smoother re-entry for the entire family? Do let me know of your experiences!
Monday, January 28, 2013
Spring Chicken or Anxious Egg: which came first?
My husband and I are musicians. And we’re parents. When we are onstage, we do our best to really be ON stage. But all our “backstage” experiences with our son (our little frog) deeply affect who we are as people, thus musicians. Recent insights:
This blog has become all about touring with a toddler. For other musicians who have/want to have kids and an indie performing career, there don't seem to be piles of manuals on the subject. So I am eager to put some of my experiences out there (from my precious packing list, to my meditations on planning vs rolling with it, to my less-than-slick solo runs with my 2-year old).
Perhaps I can encourage a few more of us to just do it. Why not? Life is a dumb and wonderful balancing act, no matter what you're up to.
In fact, before our son was born, I found it tricky to float through airports without internalizing chaos/stress. Much of the business of travelling (um, a big part of the job) was as challenging to me as balancing my administrative workload with actually making music. Ugh.
Well, this latest installment is about flying WITHOUT a kid! That's another way to do it--not a terribly practical one for us, since Granny/Gramps live far away. But they agreed to spend the weekend with our son; and we flew our for the Upper Potomac Piper's Weekend (where we taught/performed)... with just the two of us! With such wonderful grand-parenting (and a freezer full of breast milk, in case Mommy pangs hit hard), there was very little stress or worry.
I'll admit, during the weekend there was so little to carry around. All we really needed to look after was our own need for coffee, a bit of food. Even with a raging cold, I felt vocally rested, physically comfortable. I did a little email catch up, watched an episode of West Wing. It was restorative.
So, the big lesson: why not feel rested, comfortable, restored while travelling with Nigel? I mean, of course, he requires attention and energy. But it IS possible to run around and "be a train" with a sense of ease and comfort. It can be restorative to play. Why not re-arrange my state of mind and channel my "easy travel days" when we've got a toddler in tow.
Just as I was able to get anxious and tense before I ever travelled with a toddler, perhaps I can be easygoing and loose now that we have added a little chicken to our entourage.
This blog has become all about touring with a toddler. For other musicians who have/want to have kids and an indie performing career, there don't seem to be piles of manuals on the subject. So I am eager to put some of my experiences out there (from my precious packing list, to my meditations on planning vs rolling with it, to my less-than-slick solo runs with my 2-year old).
Perhaps I can encourage a few more of us to just do it. Why not? Life is a dumb and wonderful balancing act, no matter what you're up to.
In fact, before our son was born, I found it tricky to float through airports without internalizing chaos/stress. Much of the business of travelling (um, a big part of the job) was as challenging to me as balancing my administrative workload with actually making music. Ugh.
Well, this latest installment is about flying WITHOUT a kid! That's another way to do it--not a terribly practical one for us, since Granny/Gramps live far away. But they agreed to spend the weekend with our son; and we flew our for the Upper Potomac Piper's Weekend (where we taught/performed)... with just the two of us! With such wonderful grand-parenting (and a freezer full of breast milk, in case Mommy pangs hit hard), there was very little stress or worry.
I'll admit, during the weekend there was so little to carry around. All we really needed to look after was our own need for coffee, a bit of food. Even with a raging cold, I felt vocally rested, physically comfortable. I did a little email catch up, watched an episode of West Wing. It was restorative.
So, the big lesson: why not feel rested, comfortable, restored while travelling with Nigel? I mean, of course, he requires attention and energy. But it IS possible to run around and "be a train" with a sense of ease and comfort. It can be restorative to play. Why not re-arrange my state of mind and channel my "easy travel days" when we've got a toddler in tow.
Just as I was able to get anxious and tense before I ever travelled with a toddler, perhaps I can be easygoing and loose now that we have added a little chicken to our entourage.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
A Beautiful Disaster (what I did last weekend)
My husband and I are musicians. And we’re parents. When we are onstage, we do our best to really be ON stage. But all our “backstage” experiences with our son (our little frog) deeply affect who we are as people, thus musicians. Recent insights:
After an epic tour with Matt and Shannon Heaton (where we honed our Toddler on Tour strategies at venues throughout Germany, Switzerland, and Holland), I thought little Nigel and I were ready to hit the road sans dad with my band Long Time Courting.
With just 3 shows and babysitter contacts in each town, my son and I left with the essentials. You can see my packing list in my last blog: the 4 (or 6) essential items that musicians touring with toddlers should carry.
Here's a clip of our second show, the biggest "disaster" of the weekend with thorough account below:
At our FIRST show in Brattleboro, Nigel raised hell backstage with a local toddler. This would have been great, except for the fact that the neighbors complained about the noise! I guess kids shrieking are more trouble than amplified music... Our dear friend who was helping with Nigel did her best to sit with him during the show, but he was pretty amped up on toddler glee. It took him until 11:15 to get to sleep. Also, I went right from Nigel care to onstage. I didn't have time to transition. This is not a new phenomenon for me. But it is taking its toll.
On the second night, the night of the video clip, we played at the lovely, nourishing Dragonfly Yoga Retreat Center. This was an incredible setting for a show with a wonderfully warm audience. Upon arrival, our host Declan gifted my son with his very own Gordon and Henry trains (two of Thomas the Tank Engine's friends whom we did NOT already have in our collection!).
Like the night before, I had no transition time from kid care to walking onstage. No matter. Bridie and Caitlin were ready to look after Nigel at the start of the show. And as it turned out, there was a cozy spot near the stage where a cluster of kids were sitting. Nigel led his sitters to the kid corner, which we all thought seemed very fine. It didn't occur to me that this gorgeous venue was unlike many of the venues in which I'd been playing--here performers and audience were on the same level, with no barrier or stage.
After 3 songs, Nigel requested to come onstage. His caregivers tried to dissuade him, and of course he expressed heartache. Snap judgment: I decided to sing a song with my kid in my arms. As we neared the end of the song Nigel asked to "get down and get funky." I set him down, still unsure of what I was going to do from here.
With a surety I crave onstage, my 2-year old picked up my low whistle and set up between cellist Val and fiddler Sarah. Keeping his eyes moving from the low music stand (just his height) and all of us musicians, Nigel proceeded to "play" the next set of tunes with us. After the last note, he told the audience, "That was called 'Thomas.' I wrote it."
Following this unforgettable performance, I swiftly escorted our youngest player off the stage while Liz (guitar) introduced the next song. After just a few tears, Nigel agreed to watch Jungle Book with his caregivers. We finished the set. All was fine.
Sure, this was a brief and hilarious moment of non professionalism. If it had happened with my husband, I wouldn't have worried. But immediately after the show I reassured my band mates that this is not how I plan to play it onstage. Cute and hilarious though Nigel might be, of course he takes light and focus away from the music and the band. It is important for me that my colleagues know that I respect this and respect them so deeply. And I do want my audiences--and my son--to know that parents can still be professionals, even when they are travelling with their families.
For the third show I arranged child care for six hours. I took my time to travel to the gig SLOWLY in the freezing rain and black ice. I was able to focus, warm up. And guess what? This was the one poorly attended show of the weekend (no doubt because of the weather, because we've always sold out the wonderful Studio 99 in Nashua, NH--great place for music!!!). And of the folks at the show, at least 4 of them could have looked after Nigel without trouble. Go figure...
So, the lessons from the weekend:
After an epic tour with Matt and Shannon Heaton (where we honed our Toddler on Tour strategies at venues throughout Germany, Switzerland, and Holland), I thought little Nigel and I were ready to hit the road sans dad with my band Long Time Courting.
With just 3 shows and babysitter contacts in each town, my son and I left with the essentials. You can see my packing list in my last blog: the 4 (or 6) essential items that musicians touring with toddlers should carry.
Here's a clip of our second show, the biggest "disaster" of the weekend with thorough account below:
At our FIRST show in Brattleboro, Nigel raised hell backstage with a local toddler. This would have been great, except for the fact that the neighbors complained about the noise! I guess kids shrieking are more trouble than amplified music... Our dear friend who was helping with Nigel did her best to sit with him during the show, but he was pretty amped up on toddler glee. It took him until 11:15 to get to sleep. Also, I went right from Nigel care to onstage. I didn't have time to transition. This is not a new phenomenon for me. But it is taking its toll.
On the second night, the night of the video clip, we played at the lovely, nourishing Dragonfly Yoga Retreat Center. This was an incredible setting for a show with a wonderfully warm audience. Upon arrival, our host Declan gifted my son with his very own Gordon and Henry trains (two of Thomas the Tank Engine's friends whom we did NOT already have in our collection!).
Like the night before, I had no transition time from kid care to walking onstage. No matter. Bridie and Caitlin were ready to look after Nigel at the start of the show. And as it turned out, there was a cozy spot near the stage where a cluster of kids were sitting. Nigel led his sitters to the kid corner, which we all thought seemed very fine. It didn't occur to me that this gorgeous venue was unlike many of the venues in which I'd been playing--here performers and audience were on the same level, with no barrier or stage.
After 3 songs, Nigel requested to come onstage. His caregivers tried to dissuade him, and of course he expressed heartache. Snap judgment: I decided to sing a song with my kid in my arms. As we neared the end of the song Nigel asked to "get down and get funky." I set him down, still unsure of what I was going to do from here.
With a surety I crave onstage, my 2-year old picked up my low whistle and set up between cellist Val and fiddler Sarah. Keeping his eyes moving from the low music stand (just his height) and all of us musicians, Nigel proceeded to "play" the next set of tunes with us. After the last note, he told the audience, "That was called 'Thomas.' I wrote it."
Following this unforgettable performance, I swiftly escorted our youngest player off the stage while Liz (guitar) introduced the next song. After just a few tears, Nigel agreed to watch Jungle Book with his caregivers. We finished the set. All was fine.
Sure, this was a brief and hilarious moment of non professionalism. If it had happened with my husband, I wouldn't have worried. But immediately after the show I reassured my band mates that this is not how I plan to play it onstage. Cute and hilarious though Nigel might be, of course he takes light and focus away from the music and the band. It is important for me that my colleagues know that I respect this and respect them so deeply. And I do want my audiences--and my son--to know that parents can still be professionals, even when they are travelling with their families.
For the third show I arranged child care for six hours. I took my time to travel to the gig SLOWLY in the freezing rain and black ice. I was able to focus, warm up. And guess what? This was the one poorly attended show of the weekend (no doubt because of the weather, because we've always sold out the wonderful Studio 99 in Nashua, NH--great place for music!!!). And of the folks at the show, at least 4 of them could have looked after Nigel without trouble. Go figure...
So, the lessons from the weekend:
- It is really hard to travel with your kid WITHOUT your spouse/other parent.
- I *must* arrange child care for an hour before the show until 30 minutes after the show.
- More intimate venues without elevated stages and formal backstage areas (like house concerts or less formal yoga barns) are WAY harder to negotiate with a kid! Ideally we will find a room out of the way.. and we will save snacks, favorite books, a new toy, a video for gig time.
- It means a lot when people reach out and say stuff like, "That was great! That was totally me. I had 4 kids, and there were times when I was giving lectures while holding my youngest." Deep thanks to the hilarious mom I met after the show.
- All petty challenges fall from importance when another audience member hugs you and says,"I sang that last song with you for the victims in Newtown. I know you did, too." [I did.] And with that I hugged Nigel, and I hugged Matt when we got home. And I knew that we could just try it again, together.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Packing List for Musicians who Tour with Toddlers
My husband and I are musicians. And we’re parents. When we are onstage, we do our best to really be ON stage. But all our “backstage” experiences with our son (our little frog) deeply affect who we are as people, thus musicians. Recent insights:
We've been back home in Boston for three weeks. But the packing strategies we honed during our latest tour--the longest to date with our little boy--are still with us. We've already had two brief weekend tours and our list remains relevant:
We've been back home in Boston for three weeks. But the packing strategies we honed during our latest tour--the longest to date with our little boy--are still with us. We've already had two brief weekend tours and our list remains relevant:
- The KID BAG:
- diaper roll (with more diapers or undies and wipes than you think you need, and with change of clothes... more while potty training)
- books, especially longer stories with paperback covers and books with activities (like finding Goldbug in Richard Scarry's Cars & Trucks & Things That Go
- no-leak water bottle & snacks (non-staining cheerios, yogurt and spoon, nuts, figs)
- one pair of pjs to change into right before the gig
- a special bag that contains a NEW TOY--to be presented by caregiver
- an iPod loaded up with a few videos and toddler apps in a toddler-proof iPod case
- a ball to kick
- a plastic bag filled with toys... for the car-lovers, a roll of duct tape makes a great portable road
- The OVERNIGHT BAG:
- toiletries for everybody, including infant pain reliever in case of sudden kid fever or ibuprofen/arnica/vitamins or any other high maintenance health things you like to carry along
- a packing cube for each family member with undies, socks, pajamas, quick dry T/shorts/socks/running shoes for hotels with exercise rooms, swim suit for hotels with pools, and as FEW clean travel shirts/jeans as you can stand
- a spare tote bag
- The GIG BAG/s:
- Instruments and supplies (microphones, extra strings, 9 v batteries, picks, tuners, capos)
- CDs/merch
- Gig clothes
- girl gig clothes: I wear the same one or two... or three if a really long tour... dresses each night, and I keep them in a packing cube (see above) with my performing boots, tights, and small bag with makeup, hair stuff. I should really get a small mirror for the bag.
- boy gig clothes: My husband keeps his gig jeans/pants in his overnight bag and travels to the gig in those pants. He changes shirts at the venue and carries his gig shirts in a Packing Folder so they stay wrinkle-free. I also think he should carry a little bit of hair gel/paste for end of tour, when his hair is getting shaggier...
- The PERSONAL BAG:
- wallet, phone, keys, glasses, sunglasses, GPS if you don't just rock the iPhone, EZ pass
- computer, if you don't just rock the iPhone
- tour docs (contracts, advancing details)
- a book to read, if your kid every falls asleep in the car and you aren't driving/sleeping
- no-leak water bottle, ideally stored OUTSIDE your bag
- Pack N Play for the venue can be amazing
- A Stroller and/or baby carrier can be amazing
Friday, November 23, 2012
Life Lessons in the Van
My husband and I are musicians. And we’re parents. When we are onstage, we do our best to really be ON stage. But all our “backstage” experiences with our son (our little frog) deeply affect who we are as people, thus musicians. Recent insights:
5 weeks in Germany with working parents, a highly verbal toddler, and gracious colleagues sharing the same van = an intense, concentrated workshop for raising a compassionate, social, balanced child and maintaining a peaceful family dynamic.
Lessons we are wearing on our sleeves these days:
5 weeks in Germany with working parents, a highly verbal toddler, and gracious colleagues sharing the same van = an intense, concentrated workshop for raising a compassionate, social, balanced child and maintaining a peaceful family dynamic.
Lessons we are wearing on our sleeves these days:
- No histrionics: just say what you need... politely, whenever possible.
- Bitte, Danke, Entschuldigen... all you really need.
- Bring toys along so you can make your own fun wherever you are.
- Clean up when it's time to go.
- Aim to be 10 minutes early when meeting friends so you don't make people wait.
- It's okay to feel sad, mad, wild. When you can, just find a suitable place to stomp, holler, or sit alone for a while.
- There are many wonderful friends who are willing to play, read, or watch Thomas Videos. It is good to hang out with friends while Mom and Dad work. And then Mom and Dad will come back. Mom and Dad always come back.
- It's okay to dislike foods. But it's best to TRY before dismissing.
- Books, creative car/truck play, and music are great go-to pastimes. But sometimes it's okay to just check out and watch a video.
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